Nothin But a Number

Age ain't nothin but a number
Goin down ain't nothin but a thang
The Love that I have for you
It'll never change

~Aaliyah

Is it better to be with someone who makes you giddy as a sixteen year old or to be with someone who makes you feel all grown up? There is a certain enjoyment in the "butterfly effect." It's that newness when you meet someone and they make you feel all mushy inside. HOWEVER, at this point in my life, there is a certain security in meeting someone who makes you feel all grown up. Given the choice, which is the better feeling. Security has a long term promise to it. Butterflies, well, they're only for a season. I guess I have answered my own question.

But what about the person who remembers you from back when?? You know, that good old relationship that fits like your favorite jeans. They feel good, you still look good in them, BUT they are OUT OF STYLE!!! A recent visit with a friend from a past life was very gratifying, but disturbing. He still looks at me through the glasses of our youth. He sees the 22 year old me and as skinny, perky and cute as she WAS, I haven't been that girl in a long time. I don't even think I know her. She probably wouldn't like me. Unlike the song, we do change and our love changes. Actually, it evolves and morphs into something unrecognizable, but equally as good as before. SADE said it's NEVER AS GOOD AS THE FIRST TIME, but I think [and by think, I mean HOPE] it JUST GETS BETTER WITH TIME!

EXCHANGE POLICY

WE all know that after the Holiday season, a lot of stores are bombarded with exchanges. Yes folks, keep those receipts. My family does not exchange gifts and I have not had this problem in a very long time. I usually buy what I want. My best friend is even more difficult to shop for because she does the same thing. What do you get the girl who has everything???
Occasionally I have to do a return or exchange. Which lead me to the question: What are you willing to exchange when it comes to dating?
Would you give up good looks for good credit?
Could you sacrifice the possibility of TRUE LOVE with someone of limited financial means for TRUE LIKE with an affluent partner?
I asked my mom this question and her answer surprised me. She said there are some folks you can't wait to see leave and some you can't wait til they return.
Which would you exchange?
I know I NEED good strong passionate conversation, and I am convinced I could let go of a good and strong passionate physical relationship.

Could you sacrifice a part of your personality, say your social outgoing nature, to make someone who is more of a homebody feel comfortable? Perhaps you are a homebody, could you break out of your shell to keep up with a social butterfly?

Do I want it all? OF COURSE, don't you? BUT if you had to exchange somethings for the sake of partnership, what would they be?

Nice Guys FINISH....

IF its true that Nice Guys Finish Last, then I have to ask WHY? Why is it when we meet "NICE Guys" we are turned off? Are we really waiting for IKE TURNER to come beat us down?
A male friend (whom I respect) recently told me that I was not giving nice guys a chance, but I would probably follow Ike Turner to the ends of the earth...I disagreed with him, but his point was valid (for women other than me). In dating Nice=Boring and that other guy, he makes us feel .........I really don't know. Still searching for answers.

Who Do You LOVE?

If it's true that we spend the most time with the one we love and when we are not with the one we love, we spend our waking moments thinking about and talking about the one we love THEN does that mean I LOVE MY JOB? I admit, I have been married to it for a while, but LOVE?
I hope not. I did not mean for this to happen and I am trying to break up as I type...on the work computer (LOL), but I can't just bring myself to quit cold turkey...I need a substitute. Shopping, Eating, working-out all leave me wanting more.. I'm open for suggestions.

Motivation

What is the big motivator for you to do the things you do? Is it to make yourself happy? or to make others happy? For example, I am fanatical about my eyebrows. This isn't to be more appealing to the opposite sex ( I doubt straight men care), nor is it to compete with other women. It's just MY thing....What motivates me to pluck, arch, wax, fill in, threat, bleach and torture my eyebrows? ME! I am my own motivation. Now as for the gym where being healthy should be the motivation in and of itself, MY SKINNY JEANS are my motivation. I want to be back in them for myself...I THINK..

What makes otherwise sane individuals get all dressed up, smell all good, get the nails and feet DID to stand in uncomfortable shoes that cost a pretty penny and "enjoy" libations in a public watering hole where others of the opposite gender MIGHT be, when they could stay home in their sweats and chill?

What's the motivation?

Do The Girlz and I really go out "JUST TO HANG?" or are we looking to get hung? Are The FELLAZ just chillin at the spot, cuz they just got off work and they like paying the price of a 6-pack for one beer? The fresh cuts, The cars, the gear?? Are these all things they'd do anyway if no women were around?

Is it purely social? REALLY?

There comes a point where our parents are no longer responsible for the decisions and by decisions, I mean MISTAKES we make as adults. I say this to free a someone I love. One of my clients has an out of town parent. Staying with grandma and grandpa has taken it's toll on this young person who has shut down and begun experimenting with drugs. It reminds me of a family situation and I took a lot of time with this mother today to share with her the pros and cons of sending her only son to stay with her parents. I know many a man (and woman) who refuses to forgive his mother for making the same tough decision many years ago. It was then (as it is now) for his own good, but when we are young, we can not understand that which is good for us, doesn't always feel good to us. It is when we are adults that we understand the tough decisions that make us grown ups in the first place. If life were full of easy decisions, we'd still be in the sandbox.

When I was a child I spake as a child. When I became an adult, I put away childhood things....

Harboring anger is childish

Not wanting to be responsible for mistakes is childish

Making a mistake is human...not trying to fix it is childish...

This unreleased resentment and frustration stands between love developing and growing. It prevents people from meeting with their hearts. It stands between me and mine. What is standing between you and yours?

What are YOU waiting for?

What are you waiting for?
One of my clients ( a mentally ill woman, I might add) told me last week that she was waiting for her KING. By this she meant a man who was her EVERYTHING. He was already ready already and according to her, GOD had shown her that her KING was in New York and she was ready to drop everything, including her children, to go be with him.
I halfway got excited. Don't we all want a KING? Aren't we all "QUEENS TO BE-e-eee?" I was on her side, except for the whole leaving her kids part. THEN she told the rest of the story: This "KING" was living with his mother and going through a divorce. See what had happened was... he had to get his house in order before she could get up there. She did too. I quickly disengaged. Heard it all before.
Isn't it funny how quickly we cling to the White Knight Myth? Even when we know he is NOT real? For a split second, I thought she had the magic jewel in the crown of dating....I was like, DANG! WHY NOT ME?
So now, here's the question: Do you believe HE is out there? And by HIM, I mean that all good and perfect man to take you away from the doldrums of single life into the elevated status somewhere beneath Kamora Lee Simmons, but above Tyra Banks with a twinge of Heidi Klum and Angelina Jolie mixed with Halle Berry? Who is your HIM? And by that I mean, your "I love me some HIM?" For me that man is THE BOSS. He has control without overexerting it. He has influence over me and all things without abusing it (or me). He is the BOSS of all...And my answer is: I HOPE HE'S OUT THERE.

Therapy Question

There is a therapeutic question that goes: If your house were on fire and you could only grab 3 things on the way out (THINGS NOT PEOPLE) , what would you grab?

This happened to me in REAL LIFE. My furnace was on the brink of exploding. I have a terrific BFF who used her powers to force me to leave. As I loaded my my dog into the car, and narrowed my handbag collection down to the minimum as to fit into my trunk. I can't remember the third item, but I'd love to hear yours.

What Goes Around Comes Back Around

Round and round it goes,
where it stops?
Nobody knows
Its enough to drive you
CRAZY
if you let it.
I am in that quandary where individuals come in and out of my life as if I have a revolving door. One month it's my ex-husband. The following month, my college sweetheart. Not to be outdone, the commitment-phobe who can't maintain contact with me for more than 4 months; Mr. "Perfect on Paper."
I have arrived at the conclusion that I must have a sign on my forehead, only visible to men that reads: Y'ALL COME BACK NOW YA HEAR!
The dilemma remains: How to close the door to the USUAL SUSPECTS, so that THE BOSS can come in unencumbered....If I knew the answer, I would not be on this blog.

Cameron Diaz's Bottega Veneta Montaigne -- Uluru

Cameron Diaz's Bottega Veneta Montaigne -- Uluru

Shared via AddThis

you're home alone. Your partner calls on the way and asks if you'd like him to bring something. You say Ice cream what size does he bring?

Been Around The World and.........

Been around the world and

I, I, I,

I can't find My Baby

I don't know How

I don't know Why

Why he's gone Away

And I don't know where He can Be

My Baby

But I'm gonna find him

I'm gonna FIND HIM.....

I really have been on a mini-sojourn of travel that was productive and filled with family time and fun time and fun-family time.
During one of our millions of conversations, my father, best friend and I were discussing my high school sweetheart. And a whole 20 years later, my father (WHO NEVER HOLDS HIS TONGUE) makes the observation that he knew all along the boy was too insecure for me *Well that was a news flash* What is more insightful is how I have always ended up with the wall flower. The insecure man whom I have some how magically made secure..The list is short (no pun intended) but substantial. Something about underdogs has always attracted me even though I really have always wanted an Alpha Male (no pun intended there either). As my BFF and I processed this information it occurred to me that underdogs put up with a lot of mess. They try harder and they are willing to tolerate mess because it's what they are used to. They are in the back of the pack. So when I dish the mess, they take it. My ego interprets this behavior as affection and interest.
Alpha Males have little to no tolerance for the head games and B.S. and rarely do they entertain it. Someone as gregarious as I, might mistake that for disinterest when in fact it's just what I'm looking for.
My male friends will tell me when I ask about my perpetual single status, that I am single because I want to be. I refuse to believe this. We argue about this into the night. They point out that having a man and being in a relationship is inconvenient to my lifestyle. I don't agree!!! I am ready!!
So one night, I explained to a potential candidate all these wonderful and great things about me. My expectations and experiences. Things I like things I don't like.....you know the conversation when everything is fresh and new. Then I made the ULTIMATE STATEMENT about what I'm looking for. I told him, I am looking for A BOSS.

High School Muse-ical

Nobody likes you when your 23

And you still act like you're in Freshman year

What the hell is wrong with me?

My friends say I should act my age

What's my age again?

What's my age again?

TODAY'S BLOG WAS INSPIRED BY MORE THAN ONE PERSON FOR MORE THAN ONE INCIDENT AND MORE THAN ONE OF YOU CAN RELATE:

High School staff, more than their elementary school counterparts, have the unique opportunity of working with young people on the brink of who they want to become. High School, specifically, lends itself to an uncertainty that is carefully masked by adolescent bravado and the ever present PEER PRESSURE. An educator on the high school level must have made peace with his or her high school experiences and moved beyond the pitfalls of fitting in, acceptance and approval to wield the confidence and authority over those going through it in REAL TIME. We have to resist the urge to show the short cuts and allow our students the opportunity to discover things on their own.
A Stockholm's Syndrome of sorts develops among staff in a high school that mirrors that of the students. Only a confident and actualized adult educator can avoid the same fate as the students. Many look at their career in education as a chance to get it right; a do-over. This has a lasting impact on peer-to-peer relations as different colleagues may be on different levels. It is a slippery-slope that too many fall victim to. The media publicizes the TEACHER DATES STUDENT incidents for the sensationalism, but the school system loses overall when these events are made public. Public school also loses when staff members are not upfront and honest about their own experiences.
Un-confronted issues like NOT MAKING THE TEAM, TEACHER'S PET, PROCRASTINATION, Being POPULAR or an OUTSIDER. These are all characteristic that in un-checked develop at an advanced pace the second time around. Only this time, the authority , money, influence and material/possessions have an increased affect on self-esteem. A staff member with unresolved issues might find themselves in competition with the students or staff members. He or she might confide in students they over identify with or punish students that remind them of classmates who victimized them. They may even seek to identify with students who remind them of the social once excluded from in pursuit of that elusive acceptance. The is creates a situation where the staff member is more unbearable than the students.

High School, "It ain't for everybody"

So Who were you in High School?? I bet you can tell who I was.

On-the-Go Playlist

There are almost 3,000 songs in my iTunes library. As you can imagine, I have several playlists to prevent myself from scrolling though to the song I may be seeking at anytime. Shape Up has artists like Afrika Bambaataa, Jennifer Lopez and Kanye West's Work Out Plan. Riverside has Roger Troutman, Old Ice Cube from my freshman year in college and PHS 1987 reflects my New Wave/Ska moment. NiteNite is full of Love songs, Grown Up is that mellowed out Neo-Soulish R&B thing and PraiseNWorship is self explanatory. Each of my playlists is like a special child to me. I don't love one more than the other, but I put my whole heart into the song selections. When a song pops from the catalogue in my head, I put it in my blackberry or my iTunes library and categorize it.

Last week I had an interesting encounter driving through the Allegheny Mountains in a thunderstorm. My co-pilot/travel companion and I took turns creating the an on-the-go playlist for the iPod. We were looking for songs that sent a message to one another about how we were feeling. He would pick a sappy sentimental song, I'd choose funny and witty songs "Don't Wait For Me." by Morris Day and the Time. He'd play "Ordinary People" by John Legend and I'd pick "A Real Mother" by Johnny Guitar Watson. The game got good to us and we made it to our destination all smiles, oblivious to the 18 wheelers, rain, fog, thunder and lightening.

The music game is one of my favorites and music is often a conversation starter at a party. My favorite question to a room full of people is if you only had 5 albums you could have for the rest of your life (greatest hits and compilations excluded) what would they be? How does your dream playlist look? Is it long? Is it sappy? Is it upbeat? Most importantly, will it keep you company on those rainy nights, that long run or the toughest level on the elliptical machine at the gym because the journey of life goes a lot smoother with a good travel companion and music is mine.

The Young and The Restless

If there is one Soap Opera that is recognized by the music, it is the Young and the Restless. When you hear that piano, you automatically know what it is....it's a soap....

The other day, in an attempt to get to the golf course, my special friend said to me "I can't help myself, I'm just restless." Just like that, a light went off in my head and my heart. The past three serious relationships I have had have been with men who had wandering hearts. Men who have looked off into the distance and pursued unattainable goals. As a young girl in love, this was exciting! It was mysterious!!

I have now recognized that my attraction was to men who had unsettled hearts. I used to think it was ambition, but it is instability. The irony here is that I am not the most stable person but I am able offer stability to my partners. This is in part because of my loyal nature and because I come from a stable background and am able to imitate it well. I guess I am such a great actress that I'm trapped in a terrible Soap Opera.

As a reformed Soap Opera addict I learned early that they are full of drama by their very nature. The year after my divorce my personal mantra was " I REFUSE TO LIVE IN A SOAP OPERA!" Those first years I was living in one big romantic comedy and it was fun. It was inspirational, but this Soap Opera is going to have to be downgraded to a mini-series. The mini-series is a lost art. My mom and I used to love watching mini-series {Thornbirds was one of my favorites} not just because they were juicy, but because the suspense would eventually end. Soap Operas have no ending, so I am giving up this Soap Opera like I did in college. No more for me.

I have taken the liberty of naming my own, what is yours? How are THE DAYS OF YOUR LIVES? Are you BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL? Do you live with PASSION AS THE WORLD TURNS? My suggestion is to be your own GUIDING LIGHT and don't end up in GENERAL HOSPITAL because at the end of the day you only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE.

The Grapes of Wrath

There is a punchline to a commercial that goes "I'm free as grocery store grapes" to which the other person responds : TECHNICALLY they're not free. Have you ever eaten grapes in the grocery store? Did you know they were NOT free? How many free samples have you taken in your life and not paid for? More importantly how many times has someone taken free samples of you and not given you what you deserved? NO I am NOT TALKING ABOUT SEXUALLY (although it is a valid comparison). I am referring to your time, your energy, your trust, your goodwill. This is NOT JUST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX EITHER, we have friends, family members, co-workers and an variety of characters in our lives that sample the grapes without paying for them.
This is not a suggestion that there is a fee for our company, but we should consider ourselves and our time a valuable commodity. We must evaluate our worth as to not equate it to something as accessible as the grapes in the grocery store. Think about how unprotected yet appealing they are as you walk through the produce section. They are just begging to be tasted. Consider on the other hand, the strawberries. They are in a protective box. It feels like stealing when you take one. Grapes on the other hand are just there for the taking. NO WONDER people feel free to do so. For our own preservation, we must make ourselves less accessible to any and every passer by. WE have to protect ourselves because when we don't we come up short. The very time we need to put our best selves forward, we end up depleted; just an over plucked vine.
Stop giving your grapes away!!!

Role Reversal

This weekend I attended a pool party with a bunch of very attractive young girls (I call them girls because they are still in college). The boys were playing in the water and around the water. They were making a fire on the grill and burning up all the meat and breaking the cardinal rule: swimming on a full stomach!!! They were acting like BOYS. One of the young ladies made the comment "I wish we had as much fun as they do." We went on to commiserate about how if our hair got wet or because we hadn't done the necessary hair removal, or because we weren't PREPARED, we couldn't just jump in the pool like that. There was a tinge of jealousy in all the girls eyes as we moved our chairs further away from the pool as to not get splashed.
What's a girl to do??? Why do we have so many rules to follow when men appear to follow none? It seems so unfair that in this game there are two sets of rules. The Mars/Venus theory is consistent, but what's missing is the laws are so skewed. As women, we subject ourselves and each other to the most unrealistic unattainable impossible set of rules and regulations imaginable. The magazine racks, self-help section and talk show circuit is replete with ways to come close to our dating objective. Think about it, there are a million BRIDE magazines and WEDDING magazines, but how many Groom's Magazines? What does that tell you? Could it be that for men, the goal of matrimony, monogamy, and exclusive coupledom is not on their minds? They are loyal to their team (Go CHIEFS!!), a college (HUSKIES), a profession and a hobby like golf, but when it comes to the notion of settling down, they take a hands off approach.....The only law they half way abide by are a loose bunch of "Bro-Codes."
What if we just tossed all caution to the wind and dedicated ourselves to our favorite team; wore the jersey on game day, had tailgate parties, organized betting pools. How bout following our favorite rock band, or obsessing with golf, the most time consuming hobby of all. A man spends more time on a golf course that we could ever spend in a mall. The golf course is a big wide open mind clearing space where grown ups chase a little ball around for on average of 3 hours. Golf has rules. Football has rules. All these things men dedicate themselves to have rules, so they just have no additional rules in their personal lives.
I am suggesting that we let go of some of our rules and enjoy living and enjoy dating. Sometimes things are not fun because we have given too many rules to something that should be fun. So lets switch. NO MORE RULES!! GET A HOBBY (shopping doesn't count). Lets do what the boys do. They always look like they're having so much fun.

winner in you

Winners win. That's what they do. Whether they are hustlers, athletes, entrepreneurs, or single people in the dating arena. Sometimes I find myself on the losing end of deals, but that doesn't make me a loser. It makes me a loser if I give up and resign myself to the fact that I am always going to lose. That's what a loser does.
Being on the lookout for the hustle is something competitive people do. Looking for the "come up" is something hustlers do. Recently, a dear friend sent me a txt needing a late night ride from the airport to the bus station. This person is a trooper and lives by the hustler's creed. Sometimes he will take a loss, if in the end he wins. So, in the spirit of friendship, I volunteered to help him with his transportation. That night I slept light as a kitten waiting patiently for the phonecall that nevercame. The following day I received a txt from FIRST CLASS. Apparently, he had been bumped from his flight, got a free ticket for future travel AND got the upgrade because that was the only seat available!!!!
There is a time and a place to go out on a ledge. In business and finance, his area of expertise, the most successful live by the motto of no risk no reward. In dating, it's not that easy. The risks of modern day dating exceed the rewards. I have come to the conclusion, that there is something to be said for taking mini-losses in search of the ultimate victory. I want to win and I am willing to wait because I AM A WINNER. ARE YOU?

Well there's winners
and there's losers
but they aint no big deal
cause the simple man
pays the bills

M.R. Original

This weekend my dad said something to me that stopped me cold. He is full of witty euphemisms, one-liners and cliches, but this time I took it to heart. We were discussing vacation plans and I had explained to him my limitations. Like most doting dads, he does not readily accept that I have limitations. He considers all the hard work he and my mother put in to raising their children an investment. Like most older people, the obstacles we face are minor compared to the hurdles and mountains they had to scale back in the day. To make a long story short, my father's parting words to me were "Don't shortchange yourself."
It caught me off guard, because I try really hard to give myself every benefit of the doubt and I make every attempt to put myself ahead of the pace. Our parents know us better than we kn0w ourselves and my father had a point. I tend to undersell myself in situations of finance. How often do we shortchange ourselves in romance? In day to day interactions if you even THOUGHT someone else was underselling you or short changing you, wouldn't you fight? Wouldn't you stand your ground and demand all that you were worth? Then why why why do we shortchange ourselves in dating? How many times and how many ways do we hear of the man who fooled the beautiful woman out of her virtue, her money, her house and home? I watch Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, 20/20 and Oprah. They all have run shows about smooth talking con MEN who exploit well meaning women. In many of these cases the women "appear" to have something going for themselves, yet time and time again, they accept less from a man than they would themselves. Even after the guy has been caught and brought to justice, these female "victims" just want to have an opportunity to "talk to him" and "ask him for the truth." They often want to know "Why he lied?" Well my answer is always because he CAN!
There are certain women who broadcast (in a super high pitched frequency that only dogs can here) when they are weak. Predators are able to pick up on this and move in for the attack. Not everyone understands that confronting a person who did you wrong does nothing for you and everything for them. It gives them another opportunity to WIN. Men (and some women) are competitive by nature and in all things there are winners and losers. If you don't think you won, guess what?? I won't say that I have never been caught up in a "situation," but I will say that once bitten twice shy. When I feel weakest, I avoid situations that could result in me compromising myself such as avoiding my favorite restaraunt when I am dieting. In dating, I rarely feel week. Just like there women who emit signals of weakness, I am conviced that some of us emit signals that say "Don't Even Try it!" Most of the time I am watching for the hook, waiting for the other shoe to fall. Cedric the Entertainer calls this the HOPE vs WISH rule. He says some people live their life HOPING NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, and others live by the motto I WISH a MF WOULD....Now I know this is a form of shortchange because it denies me the full range of enjoyment. Weak, Sneaky folk need not apply. I guess my point is if this is the only option the universe has for me then keep the change.

Step in the name of Love

Step Step
side to side
round and round
dip and dive
hit the floor
bring it back
now everybody do the love slide..

There's nothing like dancing with directions huh? Remember that "how to dance" thingie that was all the rage back in the 70's? It was a yellow mat with footprints to follow to learn the "latest" dances?? Currently there is the arcade version: Dance Dance Revolution. It looks pretty fun, and funny. Don't you wish all the steps we took had fail proof instructions? Maybe all dances should be as safe as a good old fashioned 2-STEP. In this day and age though,even that has become complicated, or as they like to call it : REMIX.
I don't know about you, but for every two steps I take, three are backward. This is the year of little progress and it has me angry at the DJ.....ME!! I really don't want to hear the recession blues or the same love song played a million times and ways...you know-all the good men are taken. Chile they locked up, gay or married....it's all the old song your grandmother taught you: A Good Man is HARD to Find. Why did I think it would be easier the second time around?
Sure the Black Barbie Doll has a song out for ALL DA SINGLE LADIES, but she has her KEN. It's easy to flounce a million dollar lace front around with a tail that stops traffic and sing a joyful song about being single, but the reality is that REAL SINGLE WOMEN have too much to do to tend to their love lives. By the time we take care of our household, career, finance and family issues [not necessarily in that order], we don't have the A. Time, B. Energy, C. Strength, or D. All of the Above to issue such a strong ultimatum to the half of a man we found. To that end, my mantra has been to take care of me. Instead of stepping in the direction of people who mean me no harm, but do me no good, I'm stepping to myself. I am changing my tune. Instead of forcing the hand of my emotional poker partner, I am going to turn my cards in. It's just time to change the music. If you're tired of overpaid pop princesses telling you what you should do, and even more exhausted with half dressed "models" showing you how to twerk your way through school, {as if you needed instructions when all you really want is your student loan bill to dissolve}, then change your playlist, I dare you.
As a music junkie, nothing is more important to me than my daily playlists. I have one for working out full of songs that pump me up for the elliptical. My playlists cover everything from dinner parties and cleaning up the house to getting me pumped for a night out on the town. I am about to create a romance-recession proof playlist....any suggestions?

Change Direction

I often wonder if Napoleon knew if the battle of Waterloo was going to be his final battle forever immortalized as his WATERLOO? I wonder if he might have passed million signposts leading to the destination that said: TURN AROUND!! STOP!! YIELD!! DO NOT ENTER WRONG WAY!!! The modern day street signs that we take for granted are so explanatory: ONE WAY, NO TURN ON RED, and my personal favorite, PED XING. They are all designed to give us a gentle nudge in the right direction. Should we desire a change of direction at the wrong place and time, there are other signs: NO U TURN.
In life, when we are seeking a change of direction, the signs are not always posted so clearly, but our intuition provides the direction. When all else fails, the outcome is the best indicator. I wanted to switch jobs, when I didn't get the one I wanted, I pouted. The outcome was telling me YIELD. I did so unwillingly, but it turned out fine. These past few years of dating the signs have all read: PROCEED WITH CAUTION! SLOW DOWN! CURVES AHEAD. I have just been flying by the seat of my pants in the name of adventure and dating is turning into my Waterloo. Most of my attempts, though fun, have not been productive. They have taught me a lot about myself and the opposite sex, but this was not supposed to be a learning experience. That's what school is for!!! I am guessing that as Napoleon headed to his destination, he thought he would emerge victorious. He expected to conquer Waterloo. As history (and fate) would have it, he was the one to be conquered. Perhaps dating is my Waterloo. It is the one thing I really thought I could attack and win, but I am still in it. I think I may have lost, but denial won't let me look at it that way. I guess instead of Waterloo, I am more like W (as in George W) when he declared victory in the Iraqui-offensive when it continues as I type. In short, no pun intended, I will continue with this offensive in the same manner. I will request more troops for a losing battle and the war will wage on until there is a CHANGE in my administration. This CHANGE will have to be as historic as the recent CHANGE in our country, because like our country, it takes CHANGE on a high magnitude for me to GET IT! I'm not slow, I'm not hardheaded, I just don't read the signs even the one I see everyday that reads: OBJECTS IS MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR!

RESOLUTION

What is it about this time of the year that forces us, even the most anti establishment and contrary, to re-evaluate and reassess ourselves? I have fought the good fight, but this thing is everywhere. We are all fallible and no one is having that perfect life, but how many times can we hit reboot before we just make peace with our imperfect selves. Love ourselves for who we really are? No one escapes the self-critical self, but we manage to miss the part of our self that loves everything we do. How is that. So today, I actually got a chance to catch Oprah and she's all about this Best Life series. Even The Great O has fallen off the infamous wagon. Good ol Dr. Oz gave like a million lists with sublists and all these things one should know to live that ever elusive BEST LIFE EVER. One of the best questionnaires was the 3 questions you should ask yourself.

They are:
1. What's been holding you back from getting healthy?
2. Why are you worthy of getting healthy this year?
3. What are your specific goals for 09 and what are your hurdles for each goal?

I answered these questions and you can check em out by clicking the title for this blog entry. It was useful, and insightful. I recommend it for anyone looking for a solution. One thing though, continues to keep my wheels spinning: What did our grandmothers do? They didn't have all this stuff! Did they ever fall off the wagon? I bet they did. Well what I for sure is this: The wagon is designed to fall off. Vices, addictions and bad habits are the result of weakness. Sometimes you just can't hold on to the sides because you're weak. We are all WEAK! Have you ever actually ridden on a wagon? Even the little red one of our childhood had nothing to really hold onto. We just had to be strong enough to ride out the bumps, but how many times did we fall out simply because there was no seat belt or safety harness? This has brought me to my latest epiphany: Those of us who fall from the wagon, should not be angry at ourselves (all the time), we should blame the wagon!!!
After a wonderful week of the double edged sword that is love and affection from the toughest critics on the planet [The Children of Maude Gray], I have decided to fight hard for the body of my youth. I seem to still have the mindset, just not the thighs of my 20 year old self. So, I hit the gym today for day two of the better me plan. Like all the other January-Gym Folk, I am familiar with the glares of the regulars (which is why I go an hour and a half prior to closing). This decision alone means I will have an empty gym and all the good equipment to myself.
This is a re-re-re-restart for me, and so I don't so much count the working out as part of the so-called New Year's Resolution(s) that I haven't really made, but what the heck it fits in. Let me know how it's going in your neck of the woods.

Bag Lady

My first resolution of 2009 is to change my BAG. This is one I can keep and it is one that will inspire me to keep the other resolutions I attempt to make. I am an admitted bag-junkie and I rarely carry the same bag for longer than a month. These bags I will keep with me at all times and carry them to the grocery store until they become a habit. This is my resolution.

There are a million other resolutions I could make, but this one is the easiest and most sensible. One of the funny things about having a handbag problem, is I had no idea how bad it was until I photographed all twenty-something, and came across bags I had not carried in years, but died to have on sight. This is a self-improvement I can actually use to cure my addiction. So for 2009 I will break the chains of addiction, what about you?