If you're lost, you can look and you will find me. Time after time.
So much to say, so little beer.....
A dear friend of mine is reliving my life circa 2000. It has opened up my wounds very fresh. See, when I loved, I really did, and now I am sure I don't know how. Try as I might, I can't let myself go. I want to. Afterall, that's what THIS is all about. However, if you factor in that a man is just a man and sometimes he is motivated by the simplest thing.... you could lose hope. I speak in the conditional because a number of conditions have to be present for this. They are not quantum physics, and they do occur quite commonly. Still there is the faint possiblilty that I might find the ONE. This is an archaic notion and I am now, infact, looking for the TWO.
See, I understand that men are not without flaws. I know that they can be EASILY lead astray. When you take into consideration that the most powerful man in the free world was willing to lose it for an intern, you realize that it could happen to you. Look at Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams.....name a woman you identify with, it has happened to her. Whether it is insecurity, or just plain old libido, men are easy victims. The smartest man can be exploited by the dumbest woman...think Anna Nicole Smith.
So as a woman who considers herself smart, what then are my options?? I will tell you: To know who he is when you meet him. To not be surprised by the things he does. To give him the rope, but don't let him hang himself. And to NEVER underestimate the next woman. This is not a bash to the infinite sisterhood that we establish. It is an acknowledgement that we were not all raised alike and some women will stop at nothing to have a man, or even half of a man ,better yet,your man.
In the circle of infidelity, I have been both women and I know this much, when you want a man, you will do what you said you'd never do to get, keep, or share him. It becomes a case of convenience. Lifestyle can play a part as well, but the things you never said you'd put up with, become commonplace. Perhaps it is a comprimise of conscience, but for what?? I can't really tell you. It is a slippery slope and not for the faint of heart. The victim must have a love that is stronger than pride and the assailant must have a pride that is weak. It's all I can think of. I have a friend that will call it KARMA, but I am not as convinced as she is.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
More good news....NOT
This excerpt comes from the Washington Post
Women Outnumber Men In Maryland, D.C.
Ratio Also High In Mississippi
This is from an article in the Washington Post. Fret not ladies, there are still the homeless and the imprisoned..
It turns out Maryland isn't a blue state, it's pink.
The latest Census data shows the ratio of women to men in the population is among the highest in the nation. It's higher only in the District of Columbia and Mississippi.
The numbers show it may be tougher for a woman to find a mate, especially after age 35.
It's not clear why women outnumber men, but one explanation could be that women are drawn to the high number of public sector jobs in the state. Another is that African-American women typically outnumber African-American men and Maryland has a large African-American population.
But some experts suggest that men are being undercounted by the Census because they are more likely to be in prison or homeless.
Women Outnumber Men In Maryland, D.C.
Ratio Also High In Mississippi
This is from an article in the Washington Post. Fret not ladies, there are still the homeless and the imprisoned..
It turns out Maryland isn't a blue state, it's pink.
The latest Census data shows the ratio of women to men in the population is among the highest in the nation. It's higher only in the District of Columbia and Mississippi.
The numbers show it may be tougher for a woman to find a mate, especially after age 35.
It's not clear why women outnumber men, but one explanation could be that women are drawn to the high number of public sector jobs in the state. Another is that African-American women typically outnumber African-American men and Maryland has a large African-American population.
But some experts suggest that men are being undercounted by the Census because they are more likely to be in prison or homeless.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Turning "NO!" into ...perhaps...
I am a daddy's girl. When I think about my childhood, I realize that my father rarely told me NO! Often he'd say perhaps...Before I was old enough to comprehend the meaning of the word, I understood the door was never completely closed to my request, no matter how unreasonable. This always gave me hope. Quite naturally, there were obvious no's in my childhood, but imagine the possiblity of perhaps....
This is going to be my new approach to dating. There are many men out there who are simply not for me and in the past, I wasn't for them either. I have said NO! Many times without regret. This year, though, instead of ruling out a guy for no really good reason, I'm not going to say NO! I will try to use perhaps... This will not be an option of course, for a guy who doesn't even know what the word means. No car, no job, no ambition, no place of his own. These are all deal breakers (for me) and usually non-negotiable, but life has taught me that circumstances can have an impact on these visible excuses. Perhaps I will take time to at least hear the story.
This is going to be my new approach to dating. There are many men out there who are simply not for me and in the past, I wasn't for them either. I have said NO! Many times without regret. This year, though, instead of ruling out a guy for no really good reason, I'm not going to say NO! I will try to use perhaps... This will not be an option of course, for a guy who doesn't even know what the word means. No car, no job, no ambition, no place of his own. These are all deal breakers (for me) and usually non-negotiable, but life has taught me that circumstances can have an impact on these visible excuses. Perhaps I will take time to at least hear the story.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Who ME??
I am a reformed flirt
I have done my share of harmless flirting in my day. You know, a little eye contact, a lot of teeth, meaningless, casual conversation. I’ve definitely been blessed with the gift of gab, but remember how when you got a gift it was all fun for a while, then you really didn't want it anymore??? Well, it’s like that. Flirting and being a social butterfly has become a burden. No longer can I just have a simple, fun conversation with a stranger. Now there are strings attached. “Heavy words are so lightly thrown.” The dating scene over 30 is such that a woman and a man can not have a casual conversation. People over 30 waste little time faking interest in small talk. My experiences these few years have shown me that men are more to the point. They tell you upfront if they are on the market (or not), and if they are interested in being more than a friend.
The problem is that in a social situation, many people are not usually themselves. I have female friends and I have watched them change personalities right before my eyes like a character from Star Wars. Shape shifters, I call them. I can’t count the men who undergo reverse metamorphosis. That’s when you meet them and they are one way and after things get, shall we say; comfortable, they switch back into their true selves.
What I do know is that I am not a shape shifter. I remain in my form. What you see is really what you get with me. How do I navigate the waters? It's as if a single woman requires her own personal HOMELAND SECURITY, to sift out the terrorists among business, coach and FIRST CLASS.
To further complicate matters, I am making a concerted effort this year to make myself available. I want to date and meet new people (men). I am not however, desperate. I just think there is someone (else) out there for me. How though, will I go about sifting through the pretenders?? I am open for suggestions.
I have done my share of harmless flirting in my day. You know, a little eye contact, a lot of teeth, meaningless, casual conversation. I’ve definitely been blessed with the gift of gab, but remember how when you got a gift it was all fun for a while, then you really didn't want it anymore??? Well, it’s like that. Flirting and being a social butterfly has become a burden. No longer can I just have a simple, fun conversation with a stranger. Now there are strings attached. “Heavy words are so lightly thrown.” The dating scene over 30 is such that a woman and a man can not have a casual conversation. People over 30 waste little time faking interest in small talk. My experiences these few years have shown me that men are more to the point. They tell you upfront if they are on the market (or not), and if they are interested in being more than a friend.
The problem is that in a social situation, many people are not usually themselves. I have female friends and I have watched them change personalities right before my eyes like a character from Star Wars. Shape shifters, I call them. I can’t count the men who undergo reverse metamorphosis. That’s when you meet them and they are one way and after things get, shall we say; comfortable, they switch back into their true selves.
What I do know is that I am not a shape shifter. I remain in my form. What you see is really what you get with me. How do I navigate the waters? It's as if a single woman requires her own personal HOMELAND SECURITY, to sift out the terrorists among business, coach and FIRST CLASS.
To further complicate matters, I am making a concerted effort this year to make myself available. I want to date and meet new people (men). I am not however, desperate. I just think there is someone (else) out there for me. How though, will I go about sifting through the pretenders?? I am open for suggestions.
What's your story morning glory
"My homie broke up with me"
CaliGurl
I am stuck. I have a, well several, platonic guy friends, " the homies". Now, emotionally, "the homies" could very well be a sub for the real thing. I've got male companionship, someone to pick up the tab every now and then, someone to shoot the shit about and give me the inside scoop on men. But of course behind every "homie" is their not so secret agenda of getting with me. But one of my "homies" broke up with me! My "homie" had the nerve to get a REAL girlfriend. So I had to hate, just had to do it. Now this n*gga is so sprung I want to slap him. Can't even wipe his a** without saying "me and T". I broke up with my other "homie". "Homie #2" would call every morning, like clock work @ 10:30a.m. on the way to his job where he would sleep for 3 hours and call me again @1:30 to tell me how bored he was. After 4 years of that, I had to tell "Homie #2" to give me a f***king break with the play by play of every rat he hollered at the bus stop. I think I hurt his feelings, he hasn't called in 4 days. But that's the thing about "homies"... wait hold that thought my phone is ringing.
CaliGurl
I am stuck. I have a, well several, platonic guy friends, " the homies". Now, emotionally, "the homies" could very well be a sub for the real thing. I've got male companionship, someone to pick up the tab every now and then, someone to shoot the shit about and give me the inside scoop on men. But of course behind every "homie" is their not so secret agenda of getting with me. But one of my "homies" broke up with me! My "homie" had the nerve to get a REAL girlfriend. So I had to hate, just had to do it. Now this n*gga is so sprung I want to slap him. Can't even wipe his a** without saying "me and T". I broke up with my other "homie". "Homie #2" would call every morning, like clock work @ 10:30a.m. on the way to his job where he would sleep for 3 hours and call me again @1:30 to tell me how bored he was. After 4 years of that, I had to tell "Homie #2" to give me a f***king break with the play by play of every rat he hollered at the bus stop. I think I hurt his feelings, he hasn't called in 4 days. But that's the thing about "homies"... wait hold that thought my phone is ringing.
The journey begins
2006 is my year for Real Love, you know someone to set my heart free. My marriage ended about 5 or 6 (depending on who you ask) years ago and I am finally ready to share my whole self with someone else. Sure, I’ve got friends, I’ve got a supportive family, I even have a fulfilling job. I am, for the most part a content and happy single woman. I am enjoying my 30s except for one part: Dating…Where are my male counterparts? Where are the guys who are happy and whole, or at least in the 85th percentile? For the next 12 months I plan to make myself more available to dating options extended to me. See, it’s not because men have not pursued me, it’s because I have not exactly been receptive. I don’t play games with men. I made it clear on more than one occasion that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. It is my personal theory that this made me more attractive to men, and now I will see if by saying yes more often, the men run for the hills.
I have invited my girls along on this journey. We live in different demographic areas and have different lifestyles. Not drastically different, but we are going to compare notes and we’d like for you to join us..
I have invited my girls along on this journey. We live in different demographic areas and have different lifestyles. Not drastically different, but we are going to compare notes and we’d like for you to join us..
What's the name all about?
Welcome to the beginning of a really fun blog. I have been enjoying the rollercoaster of divorce and one night over dinner as my now ex-husband was explaining to me all the reasons our marriage of 7 years was ending, I couldn't help thinking " I shaved my legs for this??"
See, when a sister shaves her legs there is a certain degree of seriousness associated with the event. We must be willing to risk getting our hair wet in the shower, so at the very least, the contortions we go through must be worth it. If I knew that this particular dinner date was going to be such a downer, I would not have invested the time. This is not to say that sistas don't as a rule shave our legs, it's just "special." The event must be worthy.
Have you ever been sitting up in church really in need of a good sermon only to find your pastor wasn't preaching AND the 3 year old choir was singing when you were really expecting to hear the young adults choir?? You got yourself all ready and you sit there (in the house of the Lord no less) thinking, I shaved my legs for this??? That in a nutshell is the origin of the concept. Life is full of events that don't live up to the amount of time you have invested : the interview for the job you hated, the date with the cute guy from the gym who couldn't complete a sentence if you fronted him a noun and two verbs, the trip with your girls that went sour. These things make you question if it was worth it to go the extra mile. I for one shouldna done it.
See, when a sister shaves her legs there is a certain degree of seriousness associated with the event. We must be willing to risk getting our hair wet in the shower, so at the very least, the contortions we go through must be worth it. If I knew that this particular dinner date was going to be such a downer, I would not have invested the time. This is not to say that sistas don't as a rule shave our legs, it's just "special." The event must be worthy.
Have you ever been sitting up in church really in need of a good sermon only to find your pastor wasn't preaching AND the 3 year old choir was singing when you were really expecting to hear the young adults choir?? You got yourself all ready and you sit there (in the house of the Lord no less) thinking, I shaved my legs for this??? That in a nutshell is the origin of the concept. Life is full of events that don't live up to the amount of time you have invested : the interview for the job you hated, the date with the cute guy from the gym who couldn't complete a sentence if you fronted him a noun and two verbs, the trip with your girls that went sour. These things make you question if it was worth it to go the extra mile. I for one shouldna done it.
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