When I look back over my life
I can truly say
that I've been blessed
I've got a testimony
I am a recovering control freak. I continue to suffer from all the symptoms including, but not limited to lack of patience. Patience with career, finances, other people, and myself. This morning the reality my circumstances met my ideological belief that control is an illusion. My prayer on this day was a simple one that I have uttered a thousand times (per week) with no real understanding: "Lord THY will be done!" I meant it, I just didn't UNDERSTAND it. Then it occurred to me, that perhaps it was being done and what I need to do is come to peace with it. I looked around today, not for CHANGE, but for what was always there the whole time! I have not perished. I have not hit rock bottom (a place by the way, the Lord knows I can't handle). My dilemmas are manageable only when I stop trying to take complete control of them. Things are not bad under the circumstances and the sun continues to rise and set favorably in my life.
FAVOR is one of those things we all like to have, but we want more of. When we look at favor from the perspective of what we have, of course we want more! However, when you look at all the misfortune that you have avoided, you really can get an accurate count of the favor you have utilized. It is basic math. We learned THE SUM is the total you get when you add and THE DIFFERENCE is what you get when you subtract.
So today I did a little math (shout out to Jayhawk); I added up all the times I have knowingly put myself in harms way and was protected. I added up the countless careless mistakes I have made and the numerous unsafe decisions and then I subtracted all the times I was sheltered, hidden and protected. I shutter to think of the many risks I have taken with eyes wide open; brazen as a 10 year old boy. That's when I discovered THE DIFFERENCE: FAVOR!
Many a night I have prayed, as the Psalmist, for protection from persecution and to be walked around MY ENEMY. Guess who has been putting me in harm's way? Guess who likes to charge foolish things on my credit card? Guess who loves beer, but hates her thighs? Guess who has made impractical and unsafe decisions about where to go, who to see and what to do? Guess who my enemy really is? ME.
Today's EPIPHANY: I am going to stop sleeping with the enemy.
I've got a Testimony;
The Lord has been good to me.
I've got a Testimony;
One day HE set me FREE.
