I know this much is true

So true, funny how it seems,

Always in time, but never time for dreams.

Head over heels when toe to toe,

This is the sound of my soul

To thine own self be true. This bears repeating a million times because it is so relevant. There have been times when I have actually questioned myself and wanted to throw in the towel on this. The self-examination is exhausting and it can be cruel. If you are like me, you are your worst critic. We have to remember that we are doing this for ourselves and because we want to! In every other capacity of life, we are true to ourselves, and this time should be no different. This is a mantra that has less to do with being true and genuine to yourself and more to do with understanding, enjoying and appreciating yourself. The old ladies say and it is true that you must first be good company to yourself before you can be anything to others. Which brings me to my next point:

Flying solo isn't so bad.

I'm known to walk alone

but I'm alone for a reason...

A pack is only good on a hunt where the objective is to kill. If your plan here (like mine) is to find and keep, you will be better off on solo missions. There is an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine likens it to catching a squirrel. She says " When you are trying to catch a squirrel, you don't go up to it and scream HEY!!! SQUIRREL!!!! No, you gently and quietly set your trap and coax it with lots of little squirrel treats. When we invite our friends, in large quantities, we run the risk of scaring off our potential suitor, or worse scaring off theirs.

There are other ways that rolling with a large group of "girlz" can be more cumbersome than you realize.
Today I took myself out to lunch and was amused (or frustrated) by a conversation by two girlfriends at the next table. One friend was trying to convince the other to address the issue of exclusivity with her man. Basically providing her with all the advice she could stand. Something I learned from the boys a long time ago is that we (women) tend to allow our (single) friends to have too much input with our relationships, and later wonder what went wrong?? Remember ladies, as you embark on this journey, less is more. Travel light. This also frees us up to another quality guys have that we don't: The ability to stick and move. When a man flops (in life or in love), he goes to his corner, licks his wounds and gets back in the game. On the other hand, when we mess up (whether in love, with a family member or at work), we spend countless hours commiserating. My divorce taught me a lot about how mulling over things and analyzing them does not make them better and it does not make the pain go away. It only makes them stick around a lot longer than they need to. Being angry or sad doesn't make you feel better. I have fallen off the romance horse too many times to count, but I am committed to this and as a result, I just get back up, dust off and get back on. Failed attempts do not make me a failure. If this dating has been taking it's toll on you, keep moving. You know the saying: If at first you don't succeed......blah blah blah.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing better than having a shoulder to cry on or a pal to share a laugh with, but you must take inventory of the people in your life who are in your corner. And shed yourself of those who are weighing you down. Everyone has an agenda, hey, even your mother just wants grand kids. We all have those friends that are on a different program. You want a quiet stress free weekend, they want to party. You are on a diet, her life is a giant buffet. You are trying to get your budget together, shopping is a way of life. You are looking for a quality relationship, she is auditioning for women gone wild. You are a social butterfly, she is a hermit crab. It is our nature to attract different kinds of people in our lives. Some have even said that our friends are merely an extension of ourselves. A different part of our personalities, if you will. However, if you have a friend or friendship that has become laborious in your quest for your other half, it may be time to evaluate the friendship. I now understand how friendships come to an end when one of the friends starts dating or gets married. That is why I am suggesting you evaluate your friendships NOW. On this journey, your friends will make their opinions known. They will either openly support you or criticize you quietly. In these times, observe actions more than you listen to words. Are they really on your side or in your way??

WARNING: A woman alone is dangerous!!

I have had some of my most infamous encounters on solo missions. I have met exciting men, gone to exotic places, been in parts of my own city that I didn't even know existed, been swept away by a stranger all by myself. Besides the obvious safety in numbers philosophy that we learn as little girls, in certain social (safe) settings, it is perfectly okay to be by yourself. Sure people will put the DIVA label on you, but I'm convinced that in the original definition, DIVA means a sometimes lonely lady. This should not be a stigma. Think of the DIVAs that come to mind. When observed, these women are not in large packs. Few women are actually on their level. They are equally captivating and intimidating, but a formidable gentleman will take the risk. I like to think that few are on my level. It sounds conceited, I know, but really if I don't think highly of myself, then who will? I know my limits and I work daily to exceed them. I am really trying to be the best that I can be to last me all of my days.

So there's your task: get to know yourself and really enjoy your own company. If you find yourself lonely instead of alone, get a dog!!!

Just another day

February 14 has a very special place in my heart. Not for the obvious reasons. It is, well was, my wedding anniversary. Corny, I know, but hey, we went to Vegas and it was the special that weekend. Like most girls, I can't resist a special.
The other special nuance about February 14th is it coincides with High School Basketball Division Playoffs in my region. Many a winter, my now ex-husband and I would be forced to cancel or rearrange our dinner reservations to catch the game. That's just how important sports is to me. There is a concept in tournament play involving seeding and strategic losses. Believe it or not, if you are not the all out winner, it can sometimes be in your best interest to have a strategic loss. By losing, your seeding can give you a favorable position in tournament breakdowns. See, the best team always plays the worst team and the second best plays the second worst and so on. In a situation where the 4th-7th teams are not so evenly matched, a strategic loss can give a so-so team and advantage.
Being single is like that too. Sometimes you may have to lose to win. I know it's Valentine's day. I know it can be the single person's nemisis, but think for a minute of that friend of yours who on the outside has all the trappings of the love gods favor. This is a difficult time for that person. There are obligations and responsibilities, that they may not even want or be prepared for. It almost becomes a cliche and "unfun" (if that's even a word). For me and my ex, it lost any value or meaning because we knew we HAD to celebrate it. The real fun for us was the one thing we couldn't predict: the outcome of the game.
Your attached friends and family members go through the motions of V-Day and for all we know they are barely speaking to their significant other. Their relationship may be on skids, but for V-Day they put up a front. They are among that second seed team playing "not to lose." In sports, this is called : Prevent Offense. It actually causes even the best teams to lose.
I think it is best to be happy single than to be miserable with someone else. It is true that sometimes you have to lose to win. It doesn't make you a loser. You are a winner in the long run when you can take inventory and recognize that you have yourself intact. If you are ready to dive back into the dating pool like me, you have options. The first is to get out of your own way. You gotta like you first. Having said all that, this year don't forget to treat yourself like you love you.
One of my mantras, during some undisclosed ephiphany was:
See who you want and be who you want in the mirror.
See who you love and be who you love in the mirror.
Yep ladies, that's right: To thine own self be fabulous. There are numerous opportunities out there and you have to be there and be ready.

When I was home for the holidays, I shared my blog with my (sometimes cynical and ever critical) cousin. She asked me for quick easy ways to meet guys. I gave her my short list of suggestions:
1. Be where they are- sporting events, sports bars,the gym, resaraunts. It is a myth that there are all these cute guys in church and the grocery store. If they are at the grocery store, they are in the "already prepared food" isle, or they are somebody's husband.
2. Volunteer- Habitat for Humaity and Political Campaigns are excellent for finding a man who is good with his hands or has a strong opinion. You will at least find a sparring partner or get your faucets fixed (both of them).
3. GET ACTIVE- Any sports here works. Run a marathon, go snowboarding, take surf lessons. It's where the boys are when the girls are in the mall. Volunteer at your local gym for scorekeeping or officiating recreation league sports.
4. The next time you get your car serviced, don't forget to speak to the service manager about extras like detailing and connects for your vehicle. BOYS LIKE CARS.
5. Tell a friend. You have friends who don't know you are ready to be back on the market. You haven't told them because you think this makes you sound desparate. YOU ARE NOT!!!! Don't be mad if they think that. You have no control over what people think. Just enjoy the personal references. Some will be misses, but there may be a hit among them. When you need a new beautician, nail person, mechanic or any other service professional, you rely on referrals, why should this be any different? Call it networking, and roll with it.

Don't miss an opportunity during these long winter months to enjoy your own company. I guarantee you that others will notice and you will have your options available. It is options, not diamonds, that are a girl's best friend. My friends tell me it's my phermones that cause the fellas to gravitate towards me. I disagree. I have more fun when I am walking my dog, than most people have all day. Fun is contagious. It is attractive and it is the best accessory.


So remember to get yourself out there and more importantly, ENJOY YOURSELF, ENJOY YOURSELF, ENJOY YOURSELF FOR ME!