I know this much is true

So true, funny how it seems,

Always in time, but never time for dreams.

Head over heels when toe to toe,

This is the sound of my soul

To thine own self be true. This bears repeating a million times because it is so relevant. There have been times when I have actually questioned myself and wanted to throw in the towel on this. The self-examination is exhausting and it can be cruel. If you are like me, you are your worst critic. We have to remember that we are doing this for ourselves and because we want to! In every other capacity of life, we are true to ourselves, and this time should be no different. This is a mantra that has less to do with being true and genuine to yourself and more to do with understanding, enjoying and appreciating yourself. The old ladies say and it is true that you must first be good company to yourself before you can be anything to others. Which brings me to my next point:

Flying solo isn't so bad.

I'm known to walk alone

but I'm alone for a reason...

A pack is only good on a hunt where the objective is to kill. If your plan here (like mine) is to find and keep, you will be better off on solo missions. There is an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine likens it to catching a squirrel. She says " When you are trying to catch a squirrel, you don't go up to it and scream HEY!!! SQUIRREL!!!! No, you gently and quietly set your trap and coax it with lots of little squirrel treats. When we invite our friends, in large quantities, we run the risk of scaring off our potential suitor, or worse scaring off theirs.

There are other ways that rolling with a large group of "girlz" can be more cumbersome than you realize.
Today I took myself out to lunch and was amused (or frustrated) by a conversation by two girlfriends at the next table. One friend was trying to convince the other to address the issue of exclusivity with her man. Basically providing her with all the advice she could stand. Something I learned from the boys a long time ago is that we (women) tend to allow our (single) friends to have too much input with our relationships, and later wonder what went wrong?? Remember ladies, as you embark on this journey, less is more. Travel light. This also frees us up to another quality guys have that we don't: The ability to stick and move. When a man flops (in life or in love), he goes to his corner, licks his wounds and gets back in the game. On the other hand, when we mess up (whether in love, with a family member or at work), we spend countless hours commiserating. My divorce taught me a lot about how mulling over things and analyzing them does not make them better and it does not make the pain go away. It only makes them stick around a lot longer than they need to. Being angry or sad doesn't make you feel better. I have fallen off the romance horse too many times to count, but I am committed to this and as a result, I just get back up, dust off and get back on. Failed attempts do not make me a failure. If this dating has been taking it's toll on you, keep moving. You know the saying: If at first you don't succeed......blah blah blah.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing better than having a shoulder to cry on or a pal to share a laugh with, but you must take inventory of the people in your life who are in your corner. And shed yourself of those who are weighing you down. Everyone has an agenda, hey, even your mother just wants grand kids. We all have those friends that are on a different program. You want a quiet stress free weekend, they want to party. You are on a diet, her life is a giant buffet. You are trying to get your budget together, shopping is a way of life. You are looking for a quality relationship, she is auditioning for women gone wild. You are a social butterfly, she is a hermit crab. It is our nature to attract different kinds of people in our lives. Some have even said that our friends are merely an extension of ourselves. A different part of our personalities, if you will. However, if you have a friend or friendship that has become laborious in your quest for your other half, it may be time to evaluate the friendship. I now understand how friendships come to an end when one of the friends starts dating or gets married. That is why I am suggesting you evaluate your friendships NOW. On this journey, your friends will make their opinions known. They will either openly support you or criticize you quietly. In these times, observe actions more than you listen to words. Are they really on your side or in your way??

WARNING: A woman alone is dangerous!!

I have had some of my most infamous encounters on solo missions. I have met exciting men, gone to exotic places, been in parts of my own city that I didn't even know existed, been swept away by a stranger all by myself. Besides the obvious safety in numbers philosophy that we learn as little girls, in certain social (safe) settings, it is perfectly okay to be by yourself. Sure people will put the DIVA label on you, but I'm convinced that in the original definition, DIVA means a sometimes lonely lady. This should not be a stigma. Think of the DIVAs that come to mind. When observed, these women are not in large packs. Few women are actually on their level. They are equally captivating and intimidating, but a formidable gentleman will take the risk. I like to think that few are on my level. It sounds conceited, I know, but really if I don't think highly of myself, then who will? I know my limits and I work daily to exceed them. I am really trying to be the best that I can be to last me all of my days.

So there's your task: get to know yourself and really enjoy your own company. If you find yourself lonely instead of alone, get a dog!!!