Superbowl Sunday

Everything I know about life
I learned from FOOTBALL.


By now you know that I am a sports fan. As Superbowl XLI approaches I am inspired (in the weirdest way)to show how this relates to our quest. Yes I said OUR. I know I am not alone, and I'm not just counting those voices in my head. My latest epiphanies are:

Losses don't make losers
There will be losses and victories along the way, but it doesn't mean you won't make it to your ultimate goal. The teams in the hunt for the Superbowl have actually lost games throughout this season, but they have continued to play the game and play the numbers. A winning team knows that they just have to out win the other team. As elementary as that sounds, in dating, it is easy to become discouraged by a setback or loss. We have to remember that we will fall off this horse (unicorn) many times. Our determination to get back on will be the thing that keeps us in the hunt for our goals. A sports cliche is WINNERS WIN.

The season is long.
Anything worth having is worth waiting for. 18 games into the NFL season, a winner has not been selected yet. Even for teams who have had their final loss, there is preparation for next year. The game never ends. The winning team thinks of ways to keep winning and the losing team studies ways to defeat the other teams. Players are traded, coaches are fired, trainers are hired. Work is constant. If this were a process that took place overnight, I wouldn't be typing and you wouldn't be reading.
It may take a few seasons to build a winning team. There will even be turmoil, confusion, trades and free agents that come along and change the overall appearance of your "dream team", but the goal remains.

Nothing really good is easy to find:
One of the things that has made my second single life more complicated is the pool of men is much more shallow. In college, there were men everywhere. I was never at a loss for a date. The numbers were just a little better. But as I look back, they weren't really so great. If we are honest with ourselves, there may have been a couple cute Kappas, that one sexy Que and those few Alphas with potential. As a matter of fact, if they were worth a darn, we would have left college with our MRS degree.

Ain't nothing like the real thing:
I have friends who have resorted to all the cute, new little web based services that promise to fix you up with your one true love. They boast of large databases and intricate personality profiles. The Internet has changed the world. It has offered things at a lightening fast pace, but there are some things in life where you might want to kick the tires. In modern sports this takes the form of FANTASY SPORTS, an entirely re-invented form of the game where couch potatoes can create their own dream team by pretending to be General Managers who pick and choose the best statistical players. Weekly stats are computed for individuals to make up team scores and fake winners and losers are chosen. IT is quite complicated and has NO REAL basis in the sport. IT is MAKE BELIEVE; FAKE; PRETEND. Men however, prefer the term FANTASY.
I use the Internet (obviously) for a number of things and I compare the dating pages to the shopping pages. Whether on the web or in the mall, the rules of shopping still apply: SHOP AROUND. I think you all can relate to shopping experience. When you are looking for that special pair of patent leather slingbacks with a 3" stacked wooden heel, in your size and in your budget, rarely do you find it on your first trip to the mall. Even on line, you may visit several sites and never find that one special thing. So, what is it you say I suggest we do? Keep looking! Keep working!
KEEP PLAYING and in the words of Oakland Raiders' owner AL DAVIS:

JUST WIN BABY

Game Time

There's rules to this thing,
I made myself a manual

Even though I consider this dating thing somewhat of a game. A game I have plunged into with both feet. It is important to recognize that games are to be PLAYED. Of course, the desired outcome is to win, but in this game you have to first define [the thrill of] VICTORY and [the agony of]DEFEAT. If it is overcoming fear of being with someone; Fear of being alone; finding my ONE TRUE LOVE (for the 2nd time); finding someone to just pass the time; reestablishing ones self in the "singles market." The list can be long, but basic game rules that still apply are:
Keep your game face on at all times. I'm not just talking about your impeccable M.A.C. face. There will be situations where you will feel your flawless exterior, no matter how well polished, beginning to crack under the pressure. Many times, this pressure has actually been self-created. Remember to consider the source of the stress. If it is you, then YOU MUST STOP IT. Get out of your own way and allow things to progress on their own, let go of the reigns. Hold on to your game face and preserve it.

Don't over react. Avoid the urge to kill a gnat with a sledgehammer. There will be BIG things that happen. Conversely, there will be small things that will happen. It is important that the reaction fits the event. To coin a phrase: "Don't sweat the small stuff." When he misses your call, shows up late, doesn't get the door, can't remember that you are scared of spiders, loves golf more than you, etc., tantrums must be kept to a minimum. Think about the famous basketball coach Bobby Knight. He is more famous for his OVER reaction (throwing a chair) than his coaching skills. He has one of the best records in the NCAA, but his behavior has overshadowed his knowledge. Too many tantrums can leave a lasting impression and misrepresent those things that make you special.

NO RISK NO REWARD
In high stakes games and investment banking it is sometimes necessary to take a gamble. Extend yourself a little beyond your comfort zone. Take that deep step. The higher the risk, the greater the reward. You must first assess an appropriate value to your desired outcome and your worse case scenario. You must be willing to sacrifice it at some point for the sake of saving it. Yes ladies, there are times when we have to lose to win. What we must never lose, though, is ourselves. That's why a rule to remember is: To thine own self be true

Last but certainly not least: HAVE FUN!!!!
This is not supposed to be torture. It is supposed to be fun. If it becomes too stressful, or you find yourself thinking, saying or doing things that are out of character for yourself, then by all means: CALL TIME OUT. Don't quit, just catch your breath, REGROUP and get back in there!!!

IT'S GAME TIME!!

Rollercoasters

The whole purpose of going to amusement parks is to get on the biggest baddest roller coaster you can stand right? Even if that means enduring that long line filled with antsy children, hormone enraged adolescents who can't think of any other way to pass the time than to make out and annoying adults wearing the forsaken fanny pack. I believe there is only one thing worse than tolerating all of these things for hours to scream at the top of your lungs for the 2.5 minutes of the actual ride and that is a new convenience of modern technology: the scream cam. It's that camera set up to take your picture at the very worse possible time. When you are screaming, crying, and yelling with your hair going in many directions, never to return. To add insult to injury, many places actually charge a fee for you to purchase this photo.
In the 70's dance hit: Love Roller coaster, the ebb and flow of love sounds so fun and catchy. Then there is reality. See when you become involved in this dating roller coaster, you must be prepared for the twists and turns ahead. There is no sign before you get to the front about women expecting are discouraged from riding without the approval of a doctor. No one to give you the cursory warnings of an amusement park employee over that cute little microphone: "Keep all valuables close to you and your arms and legs in the car at all times. Remain seated and if your seat harness is loose, please let a member of the scream team assist you. For your own safety remember to keep all personal items on your person at all times. Lastly (and this is my favorite), we are not responsible for articles lost or stolen."
These warnings all apply to dating..
Women expecting are discouraged from riding. That's right. If you expect this to be a smooth and pleasant experience, GET OFF NOW. If you really think Prince Charming is waiting at the end of this line, please head directly to Fairytale land where the rides are smoother and there is neither a height requirement nor a warning label.

And YES, you are going to lose personal items and things that are valuable to you. Things like your sanity, your peace of mind and your self respect. That is of course, if you don't keep them close to you and inside the car at all times.

UPS, DOWNS, TWISTS and TURNS are subject to occur at anytime and without warning. There are days in dating where YOU LIKE HIM more than
HE LIKES YOU, but then HE WANTS YOU more than
YOU WANT HIM, however, YOU NEED TIME TOGETHER and
he wants TIME APART.
This ebb and flow changes so much that YOU HATE HIM when
HE LOVES YOU and then YOU WANT SPACE, but
HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU and you think you CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIS PHONE CALL and then you wish
he would just SHUT UP.
He thinks YOU ARE TOO CONTROLLING, but
he just wants you to TAKE A STAND and MAKE THE DECISIONS, then
you TALK TOO MUCH, but then you are TOO QUIET and he thinks
YOU POUT when
you ask him WHAT HE'S THINKING
he asks you WHAT'S THE MATTER
and the answer to both questions is a resounding NOTHING!!!
Before you know it, you have become the woman in the scream cam photo, just an ugly version of yourself that you hardy recognize.