This weekend I attended a pool party with a bunch of very attractive young girls (I call them girls because they are still in college). The boys were playing in the water and around the water. They were making a fire on the grill and burning up all the meat and breaking the cardinal rule: swimming on a full stomach!!! They were acting like BOYS. One of the young ladies made the comment "I wish we had as much fun as they do." We went on to commiserate about how if our hair got wet or because we hadn't done the necessary hair removal, or because we weren't PREPARED, we couldn't just jump in the pool like that. There was a tinge of jealousy in all the girls eyes as we moved our chairs further away from the pool as to not get splashed.
What's a girl to do??? Why do we have so many rules to follow when men appear to follow none? It seems so unfair that in this game there are two sets of rules. The Mars/Venus theory is consistent, but what's missing is the laws are so skewed. As women, we subject ourselves and each other to the most unrealistic unattainable impossible set of rules and regulations imaginable. The magazine racks, self-help section and talk show circuit is replete with ways to come close to our dating objective. Think about it, there are a million BRIDE magazines and WEDDING magazines, but how many Groom's Magazines? What does that tell you? Could it be that for men, the goal of matrimony, monogamy, and exclusive coupledom is not on their minds? They are loyal to their team (Go CHIEFS!!), a college (HUSKIES), a profession and a hobby like golf, but when it comes to the notion of settling down, they take a hands off approach.....The only law they half way abide by are a loose bunch of "Bro-Codes."
What if we just tossed all caution to the wind and dedicated ourselves to our favorite team; wore the jersey on game day, had tailgate parties, organized betting pools. How bout following our favorite rock band, or obsessing with golf, the most time consuming hobby of all. A man spends more time on a golf course that we could ever spend in a mall. The golf course is a big wide open mind clearing space where grown ups chase a little ball around for on average of 3 hours. Golf has rules. Football has rules. All these things men dedicate themselves to have rules, so they just have no additional rules in their personal lives.
I am suggesting that we let go of some of our rules and enjoy living and enjoy dating. Sometimes things are not fun because we have given too many rules to something that should be fun. So lets switch. NO MORE RULES!! GET A HOBBY (shopping doesn't count). Lets do what the boys do. They always look like they're having so much fun.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
winner in you
Winners win. That's what they do. Whether they are hustlers, athletes, entrepreneurs, or single people in the dating arena. Sometimes I find myself on the losing end of deals, but that doesn't make me a loser. It makes me a loser if I give up and resign myself to the fact that I am always going to lose. That's what a loser does.
Being on the lookout for the hustle is something competitive people do. Looking for the "come up" is something hustlers do. Recently, a dear friend sent me a txt needing a late night ride from the airport to the bus station. This person is a trooper and lives by the hustler's creed. Sometimes he will take a loss, if in the end he wins. So, in the spirit of friendship, I volunteered to help him with his transportation. That night I slept light as a kitten waiting patiently for the phonecall that nevercame. The following day I received a txt from FIRST CLASS. Apparently, he had been bumped from his flight, got a free ticket for future travel AND got the upgrade because that was the only seat available!!!!
There is a time and a place to go out on a ledge. In business and finance, his area of expertise, the most successful live by the motto of no risk no reward. In dating, it's not that easy. The risks of modern day dating exceed the rewards. I have come to the conclusion, that there is something to be said for taking mini-losses in search of the ultimate victory. I want to win and I am willing to wait because I AM A WINNER. ARE YOU?
Well there's winners
and there's losers
but they aint no big deal
cause the simple man
pays the bills
Being on the lookout for the hustle is something competitive people do. Looking for the "come up" is something hustlers do. Recently, a dear friend sent me a txt needing a late night ride from the airport to the bus station. This person is a trooper and lives by the hustler's creed. Sometimes he will take a loss, if in the end he wins. So, in the spirit of friendship, I volunteered to help him with his transportation. That night I slept light as a kitten waiting patiently for the phonecall that nevercame. The following day I received a txt from FIRST CLASS. Apparently, he had been bumped from his flight, got a free ticket for future travel AND got the upgrade because that was the only seat available!!!!
There is a time and a place to go out on a ledge. In business and finance, his area of expertise, the most successful live by the motto of no risk no reward. In dating, it's not that easy. The risks of modern day dating exceed the rewards. I have come to the conclusion, that there is something to be said for taking mini-losses in search of the ultimate victory. I want to win and I am willing to wait because I AM A WINNER. ARE YOU?
Well there's winners
and there's losers
but they aint no big deal
cause the simple man
pays the bills
Monday, April 13, 2009
M.R. Original
This weekend my dad said something to me that stopped me cold. He is full of witty euphemisms, one-liners and cliches, but this time I took it to heart. We were discussing vacation plans and I had explained to him my limitations. Like most doting dads, he does not readily accept that I have limitations. He considers all the hard work he and my mother put in to raising their children an investment. Like most older people, the obstacles we face are minor compared to the hurdles and mountains they had to scale back in the day. To make a long story short, my father's parting words to me were "Don't shortchange yourself."
It caught me off guard, because I try really hard to give myself every benefit of the doubt and I make every attempt to put myself ahead of the pace. Our parents know us better than we kn0w ourselves and my father had a point. I tend to undersell myself in situations of finance. How often do we shortchange ourselves in romance? In day to day interactions if you even THOUGHT someone else was underselling you or short changing you, wouldn't you fight? Wouldn't you stand your ground and demand all that you were worth? Then why why why do we shortchange ourselves in dating? How many times and how many ways do we hear of the man who fooled the beautiful woman out of her virtue, her money, her house and home? I watch Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, 20/20 and Oprah. They all have run shows about smooth talking con MEN who exploit well meaning women. In many of these cases the women "appear" to have something going for themselves, yet time and time again, they accept less from a man than they would themselves. Even after the guy has been caught and brought to justice, these female "victims" just want to have an opportunity to "talk to him" and "ask him for the truth." They often want to know "Why he lied?" Well my answer is always because he CAN!
There are certain women who broadcast (in a super high pitched frequency that only dogs can here) when they are weak. Predators are able to pick up on this and move in for the attack. Not everyone understands that confronting a person who did you wrong does nothing for you and everything for them. It gives them another opportunity to WIN. Men (and some women) are competitive by nature and in all things there are winners and losers. If you don't think you won, guess what?? I won't say that I have never been caught up in a "situation," but I will say that once bitten twice shy. When I feel weakest, I avoid situations that could result in me compromising myself such as avoiding my favorite restaraunt when I am dieting. In dating, I rarely feel week. Just like there women who emit signals of weakness, I am conviced that some of us emit signals that say "Don't Even Try it!" Most of the time I am watching for the hook, waiting for the other shoe to fall. Cedric the Entertainer calls this the HOPE vs WISH rule. He says some people live their life HOPING NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, and others live by the motto I WISH a MF WOULD....Now I know this is a form of shortchange because it denies me the full range of enjoyment. Weak, Sneaky folk need not apply. I guess my point is if this is the only option the universe has for me then keep the change.
It caught me off guard, because I try really hard to give myself every benefit of the doubt and I make every attempt to put myself ahead of the pace. Our parents know us better than we kn0w ourselves and my father had a point. I tend to undersell myself in situations of finance. How often do we shortchange ourselves in romance? In day to day interactions if you even THOUGHT someone else was underselling you or short changing you, wouldn't you fight? Wouldn't you stand your ground and demand all that you were worth? Then why why why do we shortchange ourselves in dating? How many times and how many ways do we hear of the man who fooled the beautiful woman out of her virtue, her money, her house and home? I watch Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, 20/20 and Oprah. They all have run shows about smooth talking con MEN who exploit well meaning women. In many of these cases the women "appear" to have something going for themselves, yet time and time again, they accept less from a man than they would themselves. Even after the guy has been caught and brought to justice, these female "victims" just want to have an opportunity to "talk to him" and "ask him for the truth." They often want to know "Why he lied?" Well my answer is always because he CAN!
There are certain women who broadcast (in a super high pitched frequency that only dogs can here) when they are weak. Predators are able to pick up on this and move in for the attack. Not everyone understands that confronting a person who did you wrong does nothing for you and everything for them. It gives them another opportunity to WIN. Men (and some women) are competitive by nature and in all things there are winners and losers. If you don't think you won, guess what?? I won't say that I have never been caught up in a "situation," but I will say that once bitten twice shy. When I feel weakest, I avoid situations that could result in me compromising myself such as avoiding my favorite restaraunt when I am dieting. In dating, I rarely feel week. Just like there women who emit signals of weakness, I am conviced that some of us emit signals that say "Don't Even Try it!" Most of the time I am watching for the hook, waiting for the other shoe to fall. Cedric the Entertainer calls this the HOPE vs WISH rule. He says some people live their life HOPING NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, and others live by the motto I WISH a MF WOULD....Now I know this is a form of shortchange because it denies me the full range of enjoyment. Weak, Sneaky folk need not apply. I guess my point is if this is the only option the universe has for me then keep the change.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Step in the name of Love
Step Step
side to side
round and round
dip and dive
hit the floor
bring it back
now everybody do the love slide..
There's nothing like dancing with directions huh? Remember that "how to dance" thingie that was all the rage back in the 70's? It was a yellow mat with footprints to follow to learn the "latest" dances?? Currently there is the arcade version: Dance Dance Revolution. It looks pretty fun, and funny. Don't you wish all the steps we took had fail proof instructions? Maybe all dances should be as safe as a good old fashioned 2-STEP. In this day and age though,even that has become complicated, or as they like to call it : REMIX.
I don't know about you, but for every two steps I take, three are backward. This is the year of little progress and it has me angry at the DJ.....ME!! I really don't want to hear the recession blues or the same love song played a million times and ways...you know-all the good men are taken. Chile they locked up, gay or married....it's all the old song your grandmother taught you: A Good Man is HARD to Find. Why did I think it would be easier the second time around?
Sure the Black Barbie Doll has a song out for ALL DA SINGLE LADIES, but she has her KEN. It's easy to flounce a million dollar lace front around with a tail that stops traffic and sing a joyful song about being single, but the reality is that REAL SINGLE WOMEN have too much to do to tend to their love lives. By the time we take care of our household, career, finance and family issues [not necessarily in that order], we don't have the A. Time, B. Energy, C. Strength, or D. All of the Above to issue such a strong ultimatum to the half of a man we found. To that end, my mantra has been to take care of me. Instead of stepping in the direction of people who mean me no harm, but do me no good, I'm stepping to myself. I am changing my tune. Instead of forcing the hand of my emotional poker partner, I am going to turn my cards in. It's just time to change the music. If you're tired of overpaid pop princesses telling you what you should do, and even more exhausted with half dressed "models" showing you how to twerk your way through school, {as if you needed instructions when all you really want is your student loan bill to dissolve}, then change your playlist, I dare you.
As a music junkie, nothing is more important to me than my daily playlists. I have one for working out full of songs that pump me up for the elliptical. My playlists cover everything from dinner parties and cleaning up the house to getting me pumped for a night out on the town. I am about to create a romance-recession proof playlist....any suggestions?
side to side
round and round
dip and dive
hit the floor
bring it back
now everybody do the love slide..
There's nothing like dancing with directions huh? Remember that "how to dance" thingie that was all the rage back in the 70's? It was a yellow mat with footprints to follow to learn the "latest" dances?? Currently there is the arcade version: Dance Dance Revolution. It looks pretty fun, and funny. Don't you wish all the steps we took had fail proof instructions? Maybe all dances should be as safe as a good old fashioned 2-STEP. In this day and age though,even that has become complicated, or as they like to call it : REMIX.
I don't know about you, but for every two steps I take, three are backward. This is the year of little progress and it has me angry at the DJ.....ME!! I really don't want to hear the recession blues or the same love song played a million times and ways...you know-all the good men are taken. Chile they locked up, gay or married....it's all the old song your grandmother taught you: A Good Man is HARD to Find. Why did I think it would be easier the second time around?
Sure the Black Barbie Doll has a song out for ALL DA SINGLE LADIES, but she has her KEN. It's easy to flounce a million dollar lace front around with a tail that stops traffic and sing a joyful song about being single, but the reality is that REAL SINGLE WOMEN have too much to do to tend to their love lives. By the time we take care of our household, career, finance and family issues [not necessarily in that order], we don't have the A. Time, B. Energy, C. Strength, or D. All of the Above to issue such a strong ultimatum to the half of a man we found. To that end, my mantra has been to take care of me. Instead of stepping in the direction of people who mean me no harm, but do me no good, I'm stepping to myself. I am changing my tune. Instead of forcing the hand of my emotional poker partner, I am going to turn my cards in. It's just time to change the music. If you're tired of overpaid pop princesses telling you what you should do, and even more exhausted with half dressed "models" showing you how to twerk your way through school, {as if you needed instructions when all you really want is your student loan bill to dissolve}, then change your playlist, I dare you.
As a music junkie, nothing is more important to me than my daily playlists. I have one for working out full of songs that pump me up for the elliptical. My playlists cover everything from dinner parties and cleaning up the house to getting me pumped for a night out on the town. I am about to create a romance-recession proof playlist....any suggestions?
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