Is it just me, or are most women the polar opposite of their mothers (especially when it comes to men)? Please don't misunderstand, I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MOMMA, SHE'S MY FAVORITE GIRL, but when I really think about it, I'm not so sure that if we weren't related,we'd be GIRLZ. It was my mother, passive as she is and was, who raised me to be so straight forward. My mother, humble and selfless, who taught me to get mine first and love me!! She also taught me to put no man before myself, yet she dedicates her life to her husband. I have inherited some of her habits, I am a consumate workaholic. I LOVE TO SHOP, appreciate a good football game with a beer and my nails must be done at all times. For the most part, however, she raised me to be everything she is not. Growing up, my father ruled his domain, and my mother often seemed to have a secondary role in the home. Almost servant status. The happiness of others always came before her own. This really motivated me to be my own woman and run my own show.
My mother isn't the kind of person I see myself having a drink with. Sure, we have hit the sports bar and caught a game or two. Sports is the great equalizer in our home. Sports has so many life lessons, she would tell me. Still, we don't have those things in common that girlfriends have: I'm divorced. She is still married. In mixed company, she will withhold her opinion. Everyone has a right to mine. I go where I want to go and do what I want to do. She waits for suggestions from my father. This woman has a PhD! I don't.
At the ripe old age of 38, My mother was married with 3 children (a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 3 year old). Infact, she had lost a child to a terrible accident by the time she was my age. I have no children. I can't imagine what it would be like to be responsible for a growing family in the manner she was back then. It was the early 80's and she had so much to deal with. Discrimination at work. Raising children. Caring for her aging parents. Dealing with my daddy (who has never been known for being easy to get along with). Her weekends were not her own. Nothing was her own. In contrast, I alone am the queen of all I survey. I have a job I love, leisure time that involves frequent flier miles to send me to the moon, and an active social life. We are having two different lives and in many ways, I believe my mother has raised me to be the woman she wanted to be. Single footloose and fancyfree 30 somethings must have been appealing to my mother when she was strappped down with kids and a husband. She has often told me of a woman she saw in the airport who seemed to just have everything together. She was tall, slender, well dressed. I think she even drove a convertible. Her eyes woud drift as she told me of the nice handbag and pretty jewelry the woman had. At the end of the story, though she made some off-handed comment about the woman being a lesbian or having no man (which is the kiss of death for the women in my family). I think she said something to the effect of "women like that look perfect on the outside, have nothing on the inside and no one to go home to." Tell me about it!!!
I don't overidentify with the woman in the airport story, but I do enjoy the life I am living. I consider myself the total package and I am not empty on the inside. I just wonder if my mother really comprehended that this lifestyle makes it quite difficult to form lasting relationships (can you say Oprah). It's easy for the wallflower to criticize the one who dances the night away. She isn't really expending any energy. We could all sit on the sidelines, but it was my mother who taught me that LIFE IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! Let the games begin.
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