"And Lately
I can feel the wind blowing
in our direction
My affection is only for you
so hold on tight and enjoy the night
and let the wind just take us
make us
BRAND NEW."
D.Folks
I recently had a discussion with a few fellas about "The WOW factor" in relationships. You know, it's that heart pounding, butterflies in the stomach, takes your breath away feeling. My opinion is that THE WOW is good, but it's short term, and I'd rather have the JUST OKAY ten times than THE WOW just once. Hopeless Romantics are like drug addicts chasing THE WOW like that first rush. This is not a surprise. We all know hopeless romantics. That's why we call them HOPELESS. What is the surprise is that MEN actually buy into this concept that a relationship can be WOW all the time. How much work do men expect us to put in? We already appear to go above and beyond. It's hard enough to keep the hair, nails, body, wardrobe, personality, make up, child rearing, bill paying, independent damsel in distress image. As far as I can tell, men only have to work on that whole Knight in Shining Armor meets Intelligent Gangster.
I countered with the fact that each person has the responsibility to bring their own WOW to the party. Which brought us to the next point: can a person who is a WOW be with a person who is JUST OKAY? My answer is YES. Two WOWs are a recipe for destruction.
My college sweetheart and I were both WOWs and despite the fact that it was a never ending party, our union lacked substance. It lacked structure. On the contrary, My (former) husband was a JUST OKAY and for the most part our union was ideal......until the end. These (SINGLE) guys disagreed. It appears they will forever remain bachelors because they haven't met the one person who takes their breath away and until they find this magical mystical MYTHICAL woman, they will be alone. Talking to them forced me to evaluate how I tend to attract Eternal Bachelors. Men looking for all the fun I have to offer, but only for the fleeting moments. It is a full time job to be a WOW, and I for one would like to retire my Jersey!!
A local artist (D. Folkes) has a song called Fresh Cut Flowers. It's about the newness and the crisp fresh feeling of a new relationship and how can we keep it. His MySpace/dfolks page is in the link of this Blog because I am his NEWEST and BIGGEST FAN. Check out his music, his lyrics are featured in this blog. He too is a hopeless romantic. I guess in the spirit of this historical year, we should all KEEP HOPE ALIVE.
"The newness of our love keeps
my soul on fire
and I don't want it to ever end"
D. Folks
4 comments:
This is right on time. A friend of mine has been reading a book on singles (http://www.surrenderedsingle.com) and the author refers to something called "the lure of random reinforcement" as an explanation on why women tend to fall for the bad boy (which at our age is the perennially unavailable man, who seems to fulfill all of the fantasies of the straight-out-of-a-romance-novel lover.) Often we pass up JUST OKAY, steady freddies for the high we feel when we have these fleeting moments with "Mr. Wonderful." (Shout out to T. Gray.) But it is like a drug...like that triple-vente mocha with extra whip,that purse on sale or the illicit chat with a Cat you KNOW you should have left alone a long time ago. You have the momentary high followed by the long stretches of the mundane ordinariness of every day life and all the angst around that last encounter (The Last WOW). Not only does regular life seem duller because of the "drug" but you never achieve the same high you felt those first few times.
What's amazing though, cuz is that MEN are looking for the FAIRY TALE too!!
I wanted to respond on what you you said on so many different levels. I agree with your point with regards to can a WOW be with and OKAY. I have been married for 14 years and that is how I would describe the beginning of our relationship, there really was never any WOW, just a deep
appreciation of like values and goals, coupled with a strong since of family and respect for each other, and even with that there have still been challenges. I don't know if I believe in WOW for the longterm. I have had it, and it's great for a little while, but your right, it changes after a while or maybe it just turns into something else. Gotto go the babies are a wake, but I do want to go over one more point later, because Greg and I discuss this quite often.
In the movie DreamGirls (and the musical Play...shout out to Jennifer HOLIDAY), Beyonce's charactor is the longterm object of jamie foxx's affection, but she never quite feels the same way...I don't know how comfortable I'd really be as somebody's Beyonce'. I guess that's for another post huh?
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