Crime & Punishment

This may come as some surprise
that I miss you.
I could see through all of your lies,
but still I miss you.
Is it a crime,
that I still want you, and I want you to
want me too? (sade)


I grew up in a household where discipline [punishment] was implemented with speed and fury. I have always HATED punishment. When I was caught, my parents were swift, consistant and just. There was no 2 weeks restriction, loss of privileges for an undetermined amount of time. Call it chicken or egg, but I don't know which came first. My parents punishment reduced my patience for long belabored punishment. There were times when my dad would make me wait, just to make the punishment worse. He'd come home, have dinner, watch the news, have desert, take a shower and then right when I got in the bed, he'd awaken me with the famous line : "this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."
Dating is neither consistent, swift nor just, and the punishment is a long and arduous process. For the past year, my dating "mojo" has been in the Bermuda Triangle. I have had experiences so bad that I am willing to give up on the hopes of ever finding that special someone (again). Then one night I had a thought: I am being punished by the dating gods for a terrible transgression I committed a long time ago. See, I am used to getting my punishement when I committ my crimes. My mother's favorite saying is : sometimes you have to beat the puppy where she shits. This is also the philosophy of dog training. Is it possible my mother consulted a dog training book during my formative years? nahhh During housebreaking, if you do not address the behavior when it occurs, then you can not punish the dog afterward. They do not understand delayed punishment.....What separates us from animals is that we are supposed to know better. When you know better, you do better.
The other caviate is that the punishment must fit the crime. I committed a dating crime and I am being punished in the dating arena. I have been dating the ultimate jerk and I have been enduring it, because I felt I deserved it, but you know what? My bid is over. I have been reformed. I see the error of my ways. I am ready for release. I have served my time. I am FREE (again).
I'll never be
your Beast of Burden,
My back is strong
but it's a hurtin