State of MY Union

The State of the Union is an annual address presented by the President of the United States to the United States Congress. The address not only reports on the condition of the nation but also allows the president to outline his agenda and national priorities to Congress.^[1]

As I look at the State of MY OWN Union, I realize THERE ISN'T ONE. I have been on the same merry go round for about 3 years. Like Obama, there are obstacles to overcome, but when I took this on, I was at a deficit. I had been running the streets like a mad woman doing everything I was big enough and bad enough to do. So I can relate to the leader of the Free World when he points out that this has been a BUZZSAW month.

I am a happy and proud DEMOCRAT who supports our President and First Lady. I love what they represent as a strong family unit. They look so IN LOVE and it is apparent that they have a strong PARTNERSHIP. Today, a friend and I talked about how awesome it must be to have a partner to walk down the road with in the sunshine and the rain.

Our President then went on to say that ALL Parties involved were gonna have to start getting along and working together. I don't know how this applies to my love life and my dating scenario other than, I have to really and consciously make a point to make time and energy for dating and all it entails.

I really feel like an Obama Groupie because I was hanging on his every word. What was better that the things he said were the things he didn't say. He had this stalwart and firm stance. His tone of voice was so no nonsense that I felt like he was reprimanding ME.....and I kinda liked it.

The most powerful part of the State of the Union (#SOTU) was the end when he said "We're not quitting and I'm not quitting" I guess if I am on board with the Administration, then I am all the way and I am not quitting either. I am in this for the long haul. I am not going to stop trying and I am not going to stop doing my best (the Fourth Agreement)

As I head into the next arena, I am going to be more proactive. I am not going to waste my time, or anybody else's. I am going to be about ACTION. That's what Obama asked us to do a year ago, and that's what he asked for lastnight.

Ice Is SLIPPERY

This weekend I participated in a past time that made me nostalgic for my childhood. Every year, my younger brother and I would watch TEAM USA Figureskating championships. My brother would lose major cool points if anyone knew how we loved it. In his defense, the one thing he wanted to see more than anything was someone fall. Back in the 80s it was quite the rage with Katarina Witt and Debbie Thomas and who could ever forget the tabloid ending of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. Don't act like you don't remember!!!!

At any rate, figureskating, it seems, has it's own Drama filled process and there is (surprisingly) a lot of internal conflict. Personally, I'd have issues getting into that tiny little piece of fabric they call a "costume", but I digress.

Sasha Cohen returned to the ice rink this weekend to try and make the National Team after a 4 year hiatus. At the ripe old age of 25, she was the elder stateswoman and as such received a lot of press when her first day of competition had her in the top tier. On the second and final day, she was poised for the comeback story of a lifetime [as if sports needed anymore of em]. She was asked about how realistic her perception of her chances really was by a reporter to which she replied: " Ice is still SLIPPERY." I fell in love with her dry tone and the delivery. Her point was not missed on my on again off again attempts at dating and pursuing the ONE [if he really exists]. She went on to say that she had prepared (me too) she had practiced (me too!) she had experience (me too!!) and so did the other girls, but that the only thing that she could count on is if somebody made a mistake which would improve her chances of winning IF and ONLY IF, she had the performance of a lifetime (sigh). I was amazed at how she had just come to the resolution that MY BEST IS ALL I CAN DO, and maybe one of these other chicks will fall. Maybe, just maybe, I will catch the luckiest of breaks.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??? SASHA FELL!!!! That's right. The one thing she had anticipated actually happened to her. In a word, KARMA. She went home out of contention [for now]. She was predictably upbeat afterward, and despite there was plenty of space for a pity party, the blame game and excuse making, she carried herself with grace. I felt her pain and am an overnight Sasha Fan. There is only one thing I must add to her quote: Ice is SLIPPERY and COLD!!!

GAMES

These Foolish Games

are tearing me apart

and your thoughtless ways

are breaking my heart~Jewel

Who remembers the childhood game "REDLIGHT GREEN LIGHT?" This is the game where one person stands back turned to the crowd and at their whim yelled GREEN LIGHT! The crowd would run as quickly as possible to touch the ONE first. If that person yells RED LIGHT all motion has to cease. Anyone who doesn't stop immediately gets sent back to the starting point and are at a permanent disadvantage because the crowd is ahead of them. The only real way to win is to proceed slowly and wait for others to mess up leaving one person to get to the top spot. Although it seems the name of the game is to get to the destination first, SPEED KILLS. Which begs the question: Why didn't they make up a game called "YELLOW LIGHT?" That is more logical. Running a red light can be deadly [in dating and real life]. Going too slowly through a green light, one could lose the opportunity. The best bet is to just inch along.

Other fun and foolish childhood games "FREEZE", "Red Rover", and "TAG". All these games have the most unattainable task of controlled motion. The one in pursuit is at the mercy of the one being pursued. Sound familiar??

What does it say about me [or anyone for that matter] for only wanting GREEN LIGHTS? Aren't RED LIGHTS a part of the whole process and isn't the purpose to control the flow of traffic to prevent accidents?? Having driven in Tijuana Mexico and visited European cities, I fully understand the need for our [albeit predictable] lights. If our love lives don't have some degree of warning systems, relationships would flow endlessly until someone got hurt and that hurt would come sooner than later. A YELLOW, or warning light, is a necessary evil in the process in that it could save a life. If I just slow down or occasionally STOP to see where I am before I get lost, or worse, have a collision. As I type about it, there are benefits to RED LIGHTS. You can change direction. Check your cell phone. Just catch your breath and get your bearings to know your surroundings. In a relationship and behind the wheel, a RED LIGHT can be an opportunity to PAUSE. It's not as permanent as a DEAD END sign. It's a light on a timer and you know what??? It eventually turns GREEN.

I admit I thought I was prepared for this marathon that is dating. Nobody mentioned that it was a marathon of red light green light. At least in marathons, the traffic signals are turned off.

Running with Scissors

When I was young, adults admonished me not to run with scissors. The fear was that I might stab or cut myself. Funny how I ran without that same fear. My theory is that I had a higher understanding of my pain threshold and would take myself to the limit. As we divide ourselves into tiny pieces to accommodate all our personal and professional obligations, we frequently cut ourselves too closely, because we overestimate our tolerance for pain.

As for me, I think I have cut myself too closely in my love life. I find it hard to nurture and sustain one. I am going to make the effort to cut less of my love life and more of my extraneous work related over achievement ways.

Pray for me....

FEAR .....

Fear of Heights is irrational

Fear of Falling is LOGICAL

....

Sheldon Cooper

Isn't Sheldon's quote so perfect?? Isn't that the true crux of this dating matter? Aren't we all just scared of falling? Wouldn't we all FLY HIGH as birds in the sky if we weren't so scared of falling. Wouldn't we date and mate and be happy? I guess that's what separates us from the primates. Don't they look so happy??

Fear is the most powerful emotion there is. It motivates us to take some kind of immediate action whether it is FIGHT or FLIGHT. Sometimes distractions make us turn a deaf ear to our internal voice (our intuition) and we walk blindly into situations that should scare the living daylights out of us. Love has that kind of affect. Innocently, we wander down the pretty little path skipping happily until we realize we are lost in a vast forest of unknown creatures [Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My] at which point we turn and run to safety. I've got that whole part figured out, what I don't know is how long does one stay "safe" before venturing out again? What's the statute of limitations on heartbreak and can we overcome our fears?

I am grown up enough to know that the only thing I have to fear is fear itself (jfk)..

Instruction Manual

If you find
you don't like my ways
you can send me back
in 30 days- Run DMC

This entry is inspired by the fact that this blog is actually an instruction manual. Insight into the twisted mind that is MINE. It would give anybody an unfair advantage or a head start in getting into my head. Even an Extra Terrestrial should be able to identify those characteristics and traits that are specific to me. So the next questions becomes: What does your INSTRUCTION MANUAL say? Handle with Care? Fragile? Proceed with Caution? I think mine says Open at your own risk...maybe it says irregular...I like both of these.
10 Days with The Grays was a test of the strength of my Thick Protective Coating. They are a well meaning bunch, but a tough and critical crew. Over the years, I have noticed a calmer, gentler GRAY, but they are still a tough bunch and this holiday season was no exception. My only reprieve was that their attention was divided among others. Actually, I kinda missed it. I have grown accustomed to the extreme scrutiny to the point I really don't know how to respond to compliments. There was genuine QUALITY in the family affair.
When I think about all the ways my family has contributed to who I am, I actually think it would be a good idea for them to select the next person I date. Kinda like that Mtv Show where the parents selected suitors. I mean, I think they have good taste and would select a potential candidate. So when I actually spoke to them about this, they laughed. I think they don't mind that I am SINGLE. Their perspective is that it's one less thing for them to worry about. See they listen to their co-workers and golf buddies complain about the woes of sons-in-law, grand children and the like. To add insult to injury, my father happens to be Muslim and I fear my headstrong ways would uh, complicate his life at the local mosque the second I failed to comply with traditional roles.
All of this leaves me to my own exploits and a new found inspiration that somewhere there MIGHT be someone who halfway understands and tolerates me on the days I DONT SHAVE MY LEGS.

Nothin But a Number

Age ain't nothin but a number
Goin down ain't nothin but a thang
The Love that I have for you
It'll never change

~Aaliyah

Is it better to be with someone who makes you giddy as a sixteen year old or to be with someone who makes you feel all grown up? There is a certain enjoyment in the "butterfly effect." It's that newness when you meet someone and they make you feel all mushy inside. HOWEVER, at this point in my life, there is a certain security in meeting someone who makes you feel all grown up. Given the choice, which is the better feeling. Security has a long term promise to it. Butterflies, well, they're only for a season. I guess I have answered my own question.

But what about the person who remembers you from back when?? You know, that good old relationship that fits like your favorite jeans. They feel good, you still look good in them, BUT they are OUT OF STYLE!!! A recent visit with a friend from a past life was very gratifying, but disturbing. He still looks at me through the glasses of our youth. He sees the 22 year old me and as skinny, perky and cute as she WAS, I haven't been that girl in a long time. I don't even think I know her. She probably wouldn't like me. Unlike the song, we do change and our love changes. Actually, it evolves and morphs into something unrecognizable, but equally as good as before. SADE said it's NEVER AS GOOD AS THE FIRST TIME, but I think [and by think, I mean HOPE] it JUST GETS BETTER WITH TIME!

EXCHANGE POLICY

WE all know that after the Holiday season, a lot of stores are bombarded with exchanges. Yes folks, keep those receipts. My family does not exchange gifts and I have not had this problem in a very long time. I usually buy what I want. My best friend is even more difficult to shop for because she does the same thing. What do you get the girl who has everything???
Occasionally I have to do a return or exchange. Which lead me to the question: What are you willing to exchange when it comes to dating?
Would you give up good looks for good credit?
Could you sacrifice the possibility of TRUE LOVE with someone of limited financial means for TRUE LIKE with an affluent partner?
I asked my mom this question and her answer surprised me. She said there are some folks you can't wait to see leave and some you can't wait til they return.
Which would you exchange?
I know I NEED good strong passionate conversation, and I am convinced I could let go of a good and strong passionate physical relationship.

Could you sacrifice a part of your personality, say your social outgoing nature, to make someone who is more of a homebody feel comfortable? Perhaps you are a homebody, could you break out of your shell to keep up with a social butterfly?

Do I want it all? OF COURSE, don't you? BUT if you had to exchange somethings for the sake of partnership, what would they be?

Nice Guys FINISH....

IF its true that Nice Guys Finish Last, then I have to ask WHY? Why is it when we meet "NICE Guys" we are turned off? Are we really waiting for IKE TURNER to come beat us down?
A male friend (whom I respect) recently told me that I was not giving nice guys a chance, but I would probably follow Ike Turner to the ends of the earth...I disagreed with him, but his point was valid (for women other than me). In dating Nice=Boring and that other guy, he makes us feel .........I really don't know. Still searching for answers.

Who Do You LOVE?

If it's true that we spend the most time with the one we love and when we are not with the one we love, we spend our waking moments thinking about and talking about the one we love THEN does that mean I LOVE MY JOB? I admit, I have been married to it for a while, but LOVE?
I hope not. I did not mean for this to happen and I am trying to break up as I type...on the work computer (LOL), but I can't just bring myself to quit cold turkey...I need a substitute. Shopping, Eating, working-out all leave me wanting more.. I'm open for suggestions.

Motivation

What is the big motivator for you to do the things you do? Is it to make yourself happy? or to make others happy? For example, I am fanatical about my eyebrows. This isn't to be more appealing to the opposite sex ( I doubt straight men care), nor is it to compete with other women. It's just MY thing....What motivates me to pluck, arch, wax, fill in, threat, bleach and torture my eyebrows? ME! I am my own motivation. Now as for the gym where being healthy should be the motivation in and of itself, MY SKINNY JEANS are my motivation. I want to be back in them for myself...I THINK..

What makes otherwise sane individuals get all dressed up, smell all good, get the nails and feet DID to stand in uncomfortable shoes that cost a pretty penny and "enjoy" libations in a public watering hole where others of the opposite gender MIGHT be, when they could stay home in their sweats and chill?

What's the motivation?

Do The Girlz and I really go out "JUST TO HANG?" or are we looking to get hung? Are The FELLAZ just chillin at the spot, cuz they just got off work and they like paying the price of a 6-pack for one beer? The fresh cuts, The cars, the gear?? Are these all things they'd do anyway if no women were around?

Is it purely social? REALLY?

There comes a point where our parents are no longer responsible for the decisions and by decisions, I mean MISTAKES we make as adults. I say this to free a someone I love. One of my clients has an out of town parent. Staying with grandma and grandpa has taken it's toll on this young person who has shut down and begun experimenting with drugs. It reminds me of a family situation and I took a lot of time with this mother today to share with her the pros and cons of sending her only son to stay with her parents. I know many a man (and woman) who refuses to forgive his mother for making the same tough decision many years ago. It was then (as it is now) for his own good, but when we are young, we can not understand that which is good for us, doesn't always feel good to us. It is when we are adults that we understand the tough decisions that make us grown ups in the first place. If life were full of easy decisions, we'd still be in the sandbox.

When I was a child I spake as a child. When I became an adult, I put away childhood things....

Harboring anger is childish

Not wanting to be responsible for mistakes is childish

Making a mistake is human...not trying to fix it is childish...

This unreleased resentment and frustration stands between love developing and growing. It prevents people from meeting with their hearts. It stands between me and mine. What is standing between you and yours?

What are YOU waiting for?

What are you waiting for?
One of my clients ( a mentally ill woman, I might add) told me last week that she was waiting for her KING. By this she meant a man who was her EVERYTHING. He was already ready already and according to her, GOD had shown her that her KING was in New York and she was ready to drop everything, including her children, to go be with him.
I halfway got excited. Don't we all want a KING? Aren't we all "QUEENS TO BE-e-eee?" I was on her side, except for the whole leaving her kids part. THEN she told the rest of the story: This "KING" was living with his mother and going through a divorce. See what had happened was... he had to get his house in order before she could get up there. She did too. I quickly disengaged. Heard it all before.
Isn't it funny how quickly we cling to the White Knight Myth? Even when we know he is NOT real? For a split second, I thought she had the magic jewel in the crown of dating....I was like, DANG! WHY NOT ME?
So now, here's the question: Do you believe HE is out there? And by HIM, I mean that all good and perfect man to take you away from the doldrums of single life into the elevated status somewhere beneath Kamora Lee Simmons, but above Tyra Banks with a twinge of Heidi Klum and Angelina Jolie mixed with Halle Berry? Who is your HIM? And by that I mean, your "I love me some HIM?" For me that man is THE BOSS. He has control without overexerting it. He has influence over me and all things without abusing it (or me). He is the BOSS of all...And my answer is: I HOPE HE'S OUT THERE.

Therapy Question

There is a therapeutic question that goes: If your house were on fire and you could only grab 3 things on the way out (THINGS NOT PEOPLE) , what would you grab?

This happened to me in REAL LIFE. My furnace was on the brink of exploding. I have a terrific BFF who used her powers to force me to leave. As I loaded my my dog into the car, and narrowed my handbag collection down to the minimum as to fit into my trunk. I can't remember the third item, but I'd love to hear yours.

What Goes Around Comes Back Around

Round and round it goes,
where it stops?
Nobody knows
Its enough to drive you
CRAZY
if you let it.
I am in that quandary where individuals come in and out of my life as if I have a revolving door. One month it's my ex-husband. The following month, my college sweetheart. Not to be outdone, the commitment-phobe who can't maintain contact with me for more than 4 months; Mr. "Perfect on Paper."
I have arrived at the conclusion that I must have a sign on my forehead, only visible to men that reads: Y'ALL COME BACK NOW YA HEAR!
The dilemma remains: How to close the door to the USUAL SUSPECTS, so that THE BOSS can come in unencumbered....If I knew the answer, I would not be on this blog.

Cameron Diaz's Bottega Veneta Montaigne -- Uluru

Cameron Diaz's Bottega Veneta Montaigne -- Uluru

Shared via AddThis

you're home alone. Your partner calls on the way and asks if you'd like him to bring something. You say Ice cream what size does he bring?

Been Around The World and.........

Been around the world and

I, I, I,

I can't find My Baby

I don't know How

I don't know Why

Why he's gone Away

And I don't know where He can Be

My Baby

But I'm gonna find him

I'm gonna FIND HIM.....

I really have been on a mini-sojourn of travel that was productive and filled with family time and fun time and fun-family time.
During one of our millions of conversations, my father, best friend and I were discussing my high school sweetheart. And a whole 20 years later, my father (WHO NEVER HOLDS HIS TONGUE) makes the observation that he knew all along the boy was too insecure for me *Well that was a news flash* What is more insightful is how I have always ended up with the wall flower. The insecure man whom I have some how magically made secure..The list is short (no pun intended) but substantial. Something about underdogs has always attracted me even though I really have always wanted an Alpha Male (no pun intended there either). As my BFF and I processed this information it occurred to me that underdogs put up with a lot of mess. They try harder and they are willing to tolerate mess because it's what they are used to. They are in the back of the pack. So when I dish the mess, they take it. My ego interprets this behavior as affection and interest.
Alpha Males have little to no tolerance for the head games and B.S. and rarely do they entertain it. Someone as gregarious as I, might mistake that for disinterest when in fact it's just what I'm looking for.
My male friends will tell me when I ask about my perpetual single status, that I am single because I want to be. I refuse to believe this. We argue about this into the night. They point out that having a man and being in a relationship is inconvenient to my lifestyle. I don't agree!!! I am ready!!
So one night, I explained to a potential candidate all these wonderful and great things about me. My expectations and experiences. Things I like things I don't like.....you know the conversation when everything is fresh and new. Then I made the ULTIMATE STATEMENT about what I'm looking for. I told him, I am looking for A BOSS.

High School Muse-ical

Nobody likes you when your 23

And you still act like you're in Freshman year

What the hell is wrong with me?

My friends say I should act my age

What's my age again?

What's my age again?

TODAY'S BLOG WAS INSPIRED BY MORE THAN ONE PERSON FOR MORE THAN ONE INCIDENT AND MORE THAN ONE OF YOU CAN RELATE:

High School staff, more than their elementary school counterparts, have the unique opportunity of working with young people on the brink of who they want to become. High School, specifically, lends itself to an uncertainty that is carefully masked by adolescent bravado and the ever present PEER PRESSURE. An educator on the high school level must have made peace with his or her high school experiences and moved beyond the pitfalls of fitting in, acceptance and approval to wield the confidence and authority over those going through it in REAL TIME. We have to resist the urge to show the short cuts and allow our students the opportunity to discover things on their own.
A Stockholm's Syndrome of sorts develops among staff in a high school that mirrors that of the students. Only a confident and actualized adult educator can avoid the same fate as the students. Many look at their career in education as a chance to get it right; a do-over. This has a lasting impact on peer-to-peer relations as different colleagues may be on different levels. It is a slippery-slope that too many fall victim to. The media publicizes the TEACHER DATES STUDENT incidents for the sensationalism, but the school system loses overall when these events are made public. Public school also loses when staff members are not upfront and honest about their own experiences.
Un-confronted issues like NOT MAKING THE TEAM, TEACHER'S PET, PROCRASTINATION, Being POPULAR or an OUTSIDER. These are all characteristic that in un-checked develop at an advanced pace the second time around. Only this time, the authority , money, influence and material/possessions have an increased affect on self-esteem. A staff member with unresolved issues might find themselves in competition with the students or staff members. He or she might confide in students they over identify with or punish students that remind them of classmates who victimized them. They may even seek to identify with students who remind them of the social once excluded from in pursuit of that elusive acceptance. The is creates a situation where the staff member is more unbearable than the students.

High School, "It ain't for everybody"

So Who were you in High School?? I bet you can tell who I was.

On-the-Go Playlist

There are almost 3,000 songs in my iTunes library. As you can imagine, I have several playlists to prevent myself from scrolling though to the song I may be seeking at anytime. Shape Up has artists like Afrika Bambaataa, Jennifer Lopez and Kanye West's Work Out Plan. Riverside has Roger Troutman, Old Ice Cube from my freshman year in college and PHS 1987 reflects my New Wave/Ska moment. NiteNite is full of Love songs, Grown Up is that mellowed out Neo-Soulish R&B thing and PraiseNWorship is self explanatory. Each of my playlists is like a special child to me. I don't love one more than the other, but I put my whole heart into the song selections. When a song pops from the catalogue in my head, I put it in my blackberry or my iTunes library and categorize it.

Last week I had an interesting encounter driving through the Allegheny Mountains in a thunderstorm. My co-pilot/travel companion and I took turns creating the an on-the-go playlist for the iPod. We were looking for songs that sent a message to one another about how we were feeling. He would pick a sappy sentimental song, I'd choose funny and witty songs "Don't Wait For Me." by Morris Day and the Time. He'd play "Ordinary People" by John Legend and I'd pick "A Real Mother" by Johnny Guitar Watson. The game got good to us and we made it to our destination all smiles, oblivious to the 18 wheelers, rain, fog, thunder and lightening.

The music game is one of my favorites and music is often a conversation starter at a party. My favorite question to a room full of people is if you only had 5 albums you could have for the rest of your life (greatest hits and compilations excluded) what would they be? How does your dream playlist look? Is it long? Is it sappy? Is it upbeat? Most importantly, will it keep you company on those rainy nights, that long run or the toughest level on the elliptical machine at the gym because the journey of life goes a lot smoother with a good travel companion and music is mine.