Friday, January 13, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, July 26, 2010
Reboot
Partly because I have a crappy phone and partly because I have an even crappier computer. I find myself having to REBOOT often. On a recent delay, while waiting for the reboot, a lightbulb went off in my head. The actual ACT of REBOOTING calls for 0ne to CONTROL, ALT and DELETE all at the same time!!! Even more mystifying for me is how I can sense when the reboot is coming. Usually my memory gets full and the gadget (insert phone or computer) starts to move slow, sluggish making all different sounds. Warning me, that the time is coming. In that moment I am supposed to make sure "important" stuff is SAVED so not to be lost in the act.
Then, like clockwork, the process begins. Only recently did I understand that to REBOOT your life you have to 1. GET CONTROL 2. TAKE ALTERNATE DIRECTIONS (cause the ones you were taking landed you here in the first place and 3. DELETE people, places or things that are cramping your CPU/Memory/ LIFE. In one act technology makes a self-preserving move that humans only do under stress, and even then, never all at once. The lesson learned here is to take the steps all together and see if your drive is made a little lighter by rebooting. This has been my summer to REBOOT and I am feeling the positive effects of it.
Then, like clockwork, the process begins. Only recently did I understand that to REBOOT your life you have to 1. GET CONTROL 2. TAKE ALTERNATE DIRECTIONS (cause the ones you were taking landed you here in the first place and 3. DELETE people, places or things that are cramping your CPU/Memory/ LIFE. In one act technology makes a self-preserving move that humans only do under stress, and even then, never all at once. The lesson learned here is to take the steps all together and see if your drive is made a little lighter by rebooting. This has been my summer to REBOOT and I am feeling the positive effects of it.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Emotional Actuaries
During the semi-annual soul searching session with my oldest and dearest friend, we plan how this year is gonna be different. How this is the year we finally break the cycle and let someone wonderful into our wonderful lives. This is the year. "He is out there." "I am ready" we proclaim as we survey a lackluster scene, to let love in.
This particular summer night as we contemplate Mr. Right and his imminent arrival comes the concept that we both know to be a truth about LOVE; it is too much risk for an undisclosed reward. When you stack it up against being an accomplished secure and satisfied single woman, a relationship would have to take me above and beyond where I already can get to on my own. Taking a loss is NOT and OPTION. A situation would have to ENHANCE my life only. Baggage, babies mommas, credit scores and other negative assets don't even come on the radar. They are automatically null. The risk has to be non existent and the reward has to be Great. You may be saying to yourself, well isn't that too good to be true??? My answer is NO, it's just like finding a needle in the haystack. It's there...... somewhere. The dilemma is that my unwavering cynicism wins many a battle in that we know the order is a tall one, yet we hold out hope for it. The conflict is the vetting process is so thorough, I wonder if Sir Lancelot would have made it to the round table with us on the case.
Experience has warned us that if there is a game being run, it won't be at our expense. The B.S. radar is highly sensitive and many would-be suitors are easily dismissed on technicalities that would put the FIFA World Cup officiating team on notice. I was raised by a man who taught me that there is always a "mark" and if you can't tell who it is, then it's you. I approach most interactions with this concept in mind. I work hard and fast at reading social interactions and making the best decision. It has made me very good at what I do professionally, and very single personally. My friends posses this same skill set and have the ability to read a room, a situation, or a person with a cunning that is both quiet, confident and immediate. We are always holding things up to the light to get a closer look and better understanding. I rarely associate closely with women who can not read the tea leaves so to speak. I recently coined the phrase "Emotional Actuaries." By that I mean we have mastered the art of examining risks and placing a value on replacing items based on what "might" go wrong. Your heart, is very hard to replace therefore in the highest of value.
You see, none of us have the luxury of time nor money to fall for "pie in the sky" schemes of any type. Whether it's lose 10 lbs in a week, Earn a million over night, 60 second Abs, or turn back time in 15 minutes with this easy facial; a hustle is a hustle and from this standpoint, LOVE IS A HUSTLE. My own personal history is not so tragic that I should never trust my heart to anyone. The negative situations that lead to the end of my marriage were not life ending and real life women go through divorces everyday. Everyday women bounce back from failed relationships and love again, sometimes even better than the first time. It's not the fear of heights, I once blogged, but the fear of falling (and hurting myself) that keeps me on this safe little perch. This is not logical considering I have fallen once, bruised myself and recovered. I know it will sting initially, but I would be okay if I just took the leap. It never stopped me from racing dirt bikes as a child. It never stopped me from climbing trees. I have even played with fire on more than one occasion. It baffles me that I am unable to take this step. I can hear my childhood playmates voice in the background "What's the matter??? YOU CHICKEN???" To which I would reply NO! and JUMP.
This particular summer night as we contemplate Mr. Right and his imminent arrival comes the concept that we both know to be a truth about LOVE; it is too much risk for an undisclosed reward. When you stack it up against being an accomplished secure and satisfied single woman, a relationship would have to take me above and beyond where I already can get to on my own. Taking a loss is NOT and OPTION. A situation would have to ENHANCE my life only. Baggage, babies mommas, credit scores and other negative assets don't even come on the radar. They are automatically null. The risk has to be non existent and the reward has to be Great. You may be saying to yourself, well isn't that too good to be true??? My answer is NO, it's just like finding a needle in the haystack. It's there...... somewhere. The dilemma is that my unwavering cynicism wins many a battle in that we know the order is a tall one, yet we hold out hope for it. The conflict is the vetting process is so thorough, I wonder if Sir Lancelot would have made it to the round table with us on the case.
Experience has warned us that if there is a game being run, it won't be at our expense. The B.S. radar is highly sensitive and many would-be suitors are easily dismissed on technicalities that would put the FIFA World Cup officiating team on notice. I was raised by a man who taught me that there is always a "mark" and if you can't tell who it is, then it's you. I approach most interactions with this concept in mind. I work hard and fast at reading social interactions and making the best decision. It has made me very good at what I do professionally, and very single personally. My friends posses this same skill set and have the ability to read a room, a situation, or a person with a cunning that is both quiet, confident and immediate. We are always holding things up to the light to get a closer look and better understanding. I rarely associate closely with women who can not read the tea leaves so to speak. I recently coined the phrase "Emotional Actuaries." By that I mean we have mastered the art of examining risks and placing a value on replacing items based on what "might" go wrong. Your heart, is very hard to replace therefore in the highest of value.
You see, none of us have the luxury of time nor money to fall for "pie in the sky" schemes of any type. Whether it's lose 10 lbs in a week, Earn a million over night, 60 second Abs, or turn back time in 15 minutes with this easy facial; a hustle is a hustle and from this standpoint, LOVE IS A HUSTLE. My own personal history is not so tragic that I should never trust my heart to anyone. The negative situations that lead to the end of my marriage were not life ending and real life women go through divorces everyday. Everyday women bounce back from failed relationships and love again, sometimes even better than the first time. It's not the fear of heights, I once blogged, but the fear of falling (and hurting myself) that keeps me on this safe little perch. This is not logical considering I have fallen once, bruised myself and recovered. I know it will sting initially, but I would be okay if I just took the leap. It never stopped me from racing dirt bikes as a child. It never stopped me from climbing trees. I have even played with fire on more than one occasion. It baffles me that I am unable to take this step. I can hear my childhood playmates voice in the background "What's the matter??? YOU CHICKEN???" To which I would reply NO! and JUMP.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Spin Cycle
You spin me right round
baby right round
like a record baby
right round
round round
I am FINALLY detecting a pattern. There is a clear seasonal flow to my love life, due mostly to my work schedule. When things are hectic at work, my love life is non existent. I don't even yearn for that special someone to come home to. I rather enjoy the silent compliance of my dog and look forward to our long weekends together.
Then the HOLIDAY Season approaches and old familiar flames rekindle. This is the result of the general feel good warm and fuzzies that spark in us all during the cool weather high holiday season. This is also the time my College Sweat Heart and my Ex-Husband start feeling all sentimental with the calls, gifts and visits.
After the holidays come the DEAD of Winter. This separates the Men from the Boys. When the snow is up to my knees and my furnace is on her last leg I am the most vulnerable. The good news is that only a small select few are willing to brave the elements and warm my heart.
When the thermostat rises, so does the temperature in my office. Conversely, my love life goes into a tailspin. By June, men I haven't heard from in a million years start calling trying to get into the rotation. These summer loves are thoughtful, however, time is not on their side. I have lost any and all interest in them because I am busy tying up loose strings at work and preparing for the much needed vacation with my family. This is when they want me the most.
This year I have decided to look at the cycle and try to fix it. I am trapped in a bad version of my favorite movie; Groundhog Day. In the movie Bill Murray is trapped in the same day over and over again until he figures out how to correct his mistakes. I am trapped in the spin cycle and am trying to figure out what lesson the Universe is trying to teach me. What am I doing to remain in this holding pattern? Is it just my comfort zone? Am I a part of the problem and not the solution?
baby right round
like a record baby
right round
round round
I am FINALLY detecting a pattern. There is a clear seasonal flow to my love life, due mostly to my work schedule. When things are hectic at work, my love life is non existent. I don't even yearn for that special someone to come home to. I rather enjoy the silent compliance of my dog and look forward to our long weekends together.
Then the HOLIDAY Season approaches and old familiar flames rekindle. This is the result of the general feel good warm and fuzzies that spark in us all during the cool weather high holiday season. This is also the time my College Sweat Heart and my Ex-Husband start feeling all sentimental with the calls, gifts and visits.
After the holidays come the DEAD of Winter. This separates the Men from the Boys. When the snow is up to my knees and my furnace is on her last leg I am the most vulnerable. The good news is that only a small select few are willing to brave the elements and warm my heart.
When the thermostat rises, so does the temperature in my office. Conversely, my love life goes into a tailspin. By June, men I haven't heard from in a million years start calling trying to get into the rotation. These summer loves are thoughtful, however, time is not on their side. I have lost any and all interest in them because I am busy tying up loose strings at work and preparing for the much needed vacation with my family. This is when they want me the most.
This year I have decided to look at the cycle and try to fix it. I am trapped in a bad version of my favorite movie; Groundhog Day. In the movie Bill Murray is trapped in the same day over and over again until he figures out how to correct his mistakes. I am trapped in the spin cycle and am trying to figure out what lesson the Universe is trying to teach me. What am I doing to remain in this holding pattern? Is it just my comfort zone? Am I a part of the problem and not the solution?
Monday, May 03, 2010
She Watch Channel ZERO
The woman makes the men all pause
And if you got a woman
She might make you forget yours
There's a 5 letter word To describe her character
But her brains being washed by an actor
And every real man that tries to approach
Come the closer he comes He gets dissed like a roach
I don't think I can handle
She goes channel to channel
Cold lookin' for that hero
She watch channel zero
She watch, She watch channel zero
2, 7, 5, 4, 8 she watched s
he said All added up to zero
And nothing in her head
She turns and turns
And she hopes the soaps
Are for real - she learns Is that it ain't true, nope
But she won't survive
And rather die and lie
Falls a fool - for some dude - on a tube
Trouble vision for a sister
Because I know she don't know
I quote Her brains retrained By a 24 inch remote
Revolution a solution
For all our children
But all her children
Don't mean as much as the show
I mean Watch her worship the screen
and fiend For a TV ad
And it just makes me mad
SHE WATCH CHANNEL ZERO
And if you got a woman
She might make you forget yours
There's a 5 letter word To describe her character
But her brains being washed by an actor
And every real man that tries to approach
Come the closer he comes He gets dissed like a roach
I don't think I can handle
She goes channel to channel
Cold lookin' for that hero
She watch channel zero
She watch, She watch channel zero
2, 7, 5, 4, 8 she watched s
he said All added up to zero
And nothing in her head
She turns and turns
And she hopes the soaps
Are for real - she learns Is that it ain't true, nope
But she won't survive
And rather die and lie
Falls a fool - for some dude - on a tube
Trouble vision for a sister
Because I know she don't know
I quote Her brains retrained By a 24 inch remote
Revolution a solution
For all our children
But all her children
Don't mean as much as the show
I mean Watch her worship the screen
and fiend For a TV ad
And it just makes me mad
SHE WATCH CHANNEL ZERO
It takes a nation of millions to hold US back
This weekend cable proved to me a point I have long held secret, the media is out to get us!!! I know it sounds a bit paranoid, but Sunday VH-1 dedicated a whole day to "Reality" Shows, many of which featured African-Americans. BET has the top rated reality shows in Tiny&Toya, and lest I forget "Basketball Wives" [none of whom are married] and "The Real McCoy" featuring Lisa Raye.
I remember the time when there was little to NO representation of African Americans on Network TV. Folk were up in arms and threatening to boycott the networks and the sponsors, then came along WB. We were elated to have shows 4 US by US. Girlfriends, Half-n-Half, Sister 2 Sister. Of course I can't forget the trailblazers like Moesha, One on One and Living Single.
Then along came the Reality Show..Initially it was the Angry Black Female on every show. We were angry in response. Now there are strippers fighting for FLAVA FLAVE and the Love of RayJ. There is the Bad Girls, Charm School and a myriad of other shows highlighting girls who behave badly.
Of course I have a theory about all this. I think it's the "Michelle Effect." The presence of a powerful sista in the White House [with two adorable daughters] has forced the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction. When there were no powerful sistas of note [no disrespect to Oprah, Condoleeza, Dr. Dororthy Height, Maxine Waters and the like], we had CLAIRE HUXTABLE whom many doubted really existed in real life. Now there are no Claire's on TV because we have a REAL LIFE CLAIRE and the unbeweaveable black barbies have appeared.
Quite naturally we should never look to TV to define us, raise our children or represent us; however in todays' media frenzied society, I can't help but notice the time and attention this new wave of "REALITY" has lulled us into a dream world circa BLUEST EYE, only this time the EYE is brown and there are millions which begs the PublicEnemy Quote: A FACT IS A FACT, IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLIONS TO HOLD US BACK.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Haunted House
Ten years ago, as my then husband and I searched our favorite neighborhood in the city for a quaint little place to call our own, we settled on a cape cod with a lot of character. Ms Betty Redford was a happy older woman and other than the odor of cat, the home was perfect for the new couple starting their new life together (us). After we moved in we learned of the rumor that her husband had died in the living room. I have lost countless nights of sleep thinking I heard Mr. Redford walking around upstairs, knocking over things, flicking the lights and reprogramming my DVD Player. I often thought back to the brief conversation we had with her before we moved in. Her only request/demand of us was that we filled the house with love as she and her husband had done.
We got right to work; LOWE'S, HOME DEPOT and the like. See we were more concerned with making the house our own. Ripping up carpet. Painting rooms. Removing wall paper. Redoing the kitchen. Buying appliances...all that fun stuff that makes buying a home so time consuming and such a labor of love. In fact, in hindsight, the only thing we didn't work on, was our love. We really didn't give it any attention. Perhaps there was a warning sign back there that we both missed.
I would still have these creepy feelings that Mr. Redford was walking around my house at night knocking over things and reeking havoc on all he came into contact with. There were the unexplainable barks of my dog and any given hour, missing items and the random thuds and bumps in the middle of the night.
One day, my neighbor Ms. G, told me how The Redfords LOVED each other so much and it was clear to all who knew them. None of that warm and fuzzy stuff mattered to me because I wanted more details on how the man died in the house. Ironically, it was , a HEART ATTACK. Countless nights I spent wondering if Mr. Redford was a mean old man hating what I had done to his house, but eventually I grew accustom to it. I even joked and called him out. TEN YEARS LATER, I finally got it!!
This spring as I was out in the back yard cutting flowers, I finally admired the garden and the grounds that Mr. Redford was once so proud of, and that my husband had worked so hard on. I had let the garden go into disrepair partially as an act of rebellion against my ex-husband and partially because I really don't know the first thing about gardening. Through it all, Mr. Redford's blossoms bloom every year like clock work. This year I filled vases throughout the house. I had the most beautiful bouquets of white and pink and red flowers...This is how he haunts me!! With the beauty of love and these lovely flowers.
I used to love the verse in the Prince song "Nothing Compares To You" where he says:
All the flowers that you planted
in the backyard
all died when you went away
all died when you went away
And now I get it. The flowers don't die if you give them the smallest amount of attention. We had a long and snowy winter around these parts and I actually thought a few plants had died. In fact, what actually happened was while they were dormant, they returned this spring more determined than ever to show me the power of love and how after the coldest winter "must come Spring" in the words of Lauryn Hill "Everything is Everything."
Friday, March 19, 2010
Hunger
I want somebody to love me for me Make me happy Where I wanna be-Heavy D The song says it all, but it bears repeating. There are people who are chameleons, they change like the weather to attract, keep and/or repel a partner. There are also people who would love to custom order a partner from a menu; easy on the eyes, specific height, weight and ethnicity with a small side of drama mixed with sensuality and spiced heavily with whit. My favorite aunt (Jenny) has always had the uncanny ability of identifying ingredients in anything we eat. Restaurant trips were filled with her telling me what was in a dish and what needed to be done or undone to make it "perfect." [and by perfect, she meant perfect for her]. Later in the week, we would be in her kitchen recreating the masterpiece, and she is quite a good cook. I always wondered what was so wrong with the dish the way it was??? It took me years to figure out that nothing was ever going to be good enough. Rarely, if ever, did I add salt, pepper but hot sauce? I love it!!. My philosophy has always been, if you don't like it, don't eat it. Order something else. There are plenty of items on the menu; HOWEVER, if you are starving when you get to the table, you might find yourself overlooking what you need for what you want. You might find yourself ordering any old thing just to satisfy your desire. I tend to gravitate towards cheesy, hearty, comfort foods when I am starving. I have had to teach myself how to curb my appetite until I can have the best possible meal, not just the hot cheesy comfort food staring me right in the face. I am not always good at that. The hot cheesy comfort food staring me in my face might be that relationship I don't need to [re]enter, but just cause it's convenient, it works. That's what I like to call Mr. Right-Now. Not to be confused with Mr. Right, but a close second. If Mr. Right still needs hot-sauce, salt and pepper to make him tasty, is he Mr. Right? Or just Mr. Needs a little spice?? This is also why it is ill-advised to go grocery shopping when you are hungry. You are more likely to get items that are NOT on your list. Items that are costly and in the long run,not as useful. It takes a disciplined consumer to stick to the list and avoid the free samples, the glossy boxes and the enticing quick foods in lieu of what you originally went to get. Can I stick to the list??? Can you? |
Best Actress
Two weeks ago we were moved to tears by both Sandra Bullock and Mo'Nique's acceptance speeches at the Academy Awards. Each women took time to publicly recognize her spouse. Prior to the awards show being aired, both of these ladies were on the Barbara Walters Special. It was to be Ms. Walters' final Pre-Oscar show, and the comments made by Mo'Nique made about her "open marriage" caused quite a stir. She said that her husband could sleep with someone else and it would not be a deal breaker, because she knew who she laid down next to every night unlike many women in Hollywood. She was highly criticized and people (including myself) questioned her self esteem about doing ANYTHING to keep a man, even allowing him to roam periodically.
Sandra Bullock's acceptance speech moved all viewers to tears. Especially when she thanked her husband. In her interview with Barbara Walters, she discussed how safe he made her feel and how she didn't feel so BIG around him. Even their after-Oscar Hamburger joint date was publicized...........and then.......the other shoe fell.
Which of these women is the BEST ACTRESS, the one who acts like she doesn't care if her man steps out? Or the one who acts like all is perfect in her marriage until something bad happens?
Monday, March 08, 2010
Where is Waldo?
I'm sure you remember the series of books where in a crowd of people, you would have to locate the ever obscure oddly dressed Waldo. What made this task so daunting was that the apparent millions of other people in the picture were all doing the weirdest things and Waldo would just be standing there right in front of your face. Sometimes we think we have to look all over the place when what we are really looking for is right in front of us.
As a rule, I have preferred out of towners, partially because I consider myself an out of towner, and because I like boundaries. However, there is something to be said about locals. Whether it implies a groundedness or just that you have a clearer picture of someone you can see more often in their natural habitat. There is a secure feeling that comes from knowing someone near. Knowing that a person can be there at a moment's notice.
Perhaps my search has been tainted because I have looked all over for WALDO and he has been right in front of my face the whole time. No baggage, No negative history, No Major Issues, just that corny red and white striped sweater. One of the things that makes Waldo so hard to find is that many of the people in the village are dressed just like him. You have to get up close to see if he has on the glasses and the pants and the boots. He has to be WALDO.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Seasons
A Blog for my Muse....
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven
To borrow a phrase about seasons, I want to remind you that Harvest is a season. Its the easy season. It's when you reap the benefits of all you have planted. In order to arrive at a new harvest and a new crop, you must first be completely done with the old crop. The land has to be tilled and fertilized and tended to. You have to put in work. Get all those old roots and twigs and branches and ROTTEN FRUIT off the ground. You have to do the dirty work. There are worms and manure all over the place that have to be dealt with
The ground doesn't have to be PERFECT, but it has to be READY. If it's not then the next crop you plant will not yield any fruit. It will die. No matter how much sunlight and rain it receives, it will die. NO matter how hard you try to keep the weeds and parasites out, it will die. NO matter how much energy and effort you put into it, it will die. Imagine planting Champagne Grapes and harvesting raisins.
It's what I refer to when I suggest keeping your emotional house clean. Mine is by no means perfect, but one has to really do the hard work to get ready. You can't just say "I'm Done." and that be it, on to the next chapter. You must finish this and you must come through it a changed person, because you have to acknowledge that there is room for change and room for improvement or no flowers will grow.
I type this because I know from first hand experience. I am happy with my fertile plot of land. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears and it is my pride and joy. It is the reason I am so highly discriminating with whom I will select to plow it [pun intended]. Instead of a scarecrow, I have a Rottweiler, but it serves the purpose; to scare the crows away. So if you are a crow, it's best to start flying now.
There is also the very real possibility that as the season changes for you , it also changes for me. That is to say that there can be different results for different crops in different seasons. That's why we can't get pumpkins in August or (good) strawberries in December. Certain seasons yield certain crops. A contentious farmer would study the almanac and plan accordingly. Seasons Change. It is one thing we can rely on.
Back in the 80s, a group (Expose) released Seasons Change. It was a corny, hairspray tune and at the ripe old age of 19 I thought the lyrics were so profound (even more so than the aforementioned folk song). I pasted the lyrics of the first half of the song. I know CaliGurl will remember the Metro Days, but this is one of those Karman Ghia Classics for your iTunes:
Some dreams are in the night time
And some seem like yesterday
But leaves turn brown and fade,
Ships sail away
You long to say a thousand words but
Seasons change
It feels like it's forever
No reason for emptiness
But time just runs away
No more day by day
You dream again, it seems in vain when
Seasons change
(I want you) I want to feel you by my side
(I need you) Don't you know I need you, baby?
Seasons change, feelings change
It's been so long since I found you
Yet it seems like yesterday
Seasons change, people change
I'll sacrifice tomorrow
Just to have you here today
Thursday, February 04, 2010
The Friendly Skies.....
Thank you for your attention while important safety information is reviewed.
Federal law requires your compliance with all lighted signs, posted placards, and crew-member instructions.
To fasten your seatbelt, place the flat metal end into the buckle. To release, lift the faceplate of the buckle. Tighten by pulling on the strap. Your seatbelt should be fastened low and tight across your hips.
All flights are non-smoking. There is no smoking in the aircraft, including the lavatories. The lavatories are equipped with smoke detectors. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying a lavatory smoke detector is prohibited.
There are six exits on this aircraft... two doors at the front of the cabin, two window exits over the wings, and two doors at the rear of the aircraft. Again, there are two doors at the front of the cabin, two window exits over the wings, and two doors at the rear of the aircraft. Please take a moment now to locate the exit nearest you, keeping in mind that the closest useable exit may be behind you.
The cabin is pressurized for your comfort and safety. In the unlikely event of a cabin depressurization, oxygen masks will appear overhead. Reach up and pull the mask closest to you, fully extending the plastic tubing. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and slip the elastic strap over your head. Tighten by pulling on the ends. The bag does not need to inflate for oxygen to be flowing. If you are seated next to a small child or someone needing assistance, secure your own mask first, then assist the child.
Your seat-bottom cushion serves as a flotation device. To use it, place your arms through the straps and hug the cushion to your chest. <- YEAH RIGHT
To fasten your seatbelt, place the flat metal end into the buckle. To release, lift the faceplate of the buckle. Tighten by pulling on the strap. Your seatbelt should be fastened low and tight across your hips.
All flights are non-smoking. There is no smoking in the aircraft, including the lavatories. The lavatories are equipped with smoke detectors. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying a lavatory smoke detector is prohibited.
There are six exits on this aircraft... two doors at the front of the cabin, two window exits over the wings, and two doors at the rear of the aircraft. Again, there are two doors at the front of the cabin, two window exits over the wings, and two doors at the rear of the aircraft. Please take a moment now to locate the exit nearest you, keeping in mind that the closest useable exit may be behind you.
The cabin is pressurized for your comfort and safety. In the unlikely event of a cabin depressurization, oxygen masks will appear overhead. Reach up and pull the mask closest to you, fully extending the plastic tubing. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and slip the elastic strap over your head. Tighten by pulling on the ends. The bag does not need to inflate for oxygen to be flowing. If you are seated next to a small child or someone needing assistance, secure your own mask first, then assist the child.
Your seat-bottom cushion serves as a flotation device. To use it, place your arms through the straps and hug the cushion to your chest. <- YEAH RIGHT
There are very few things about air travel I dislike. Outside of TSA and TURBULENCE, I am an air travel type of girl. I like the idea [and by idea, I mean challenge] of fitting all your essentials into a carry-on bag. My most favorite part is watching the Flight Attendant go through the whole schpiel about the safety features of the aircraft where the exits are, oxygen masks and the best of all: IN THE EVENT OF A WATER LANDING, YOUR SEAT CUSHION CAN BE USED AS A FLOTATION DEVICE. As if I would even be thinking that clearly in the event of a WATER LANDING.
I really think there are a million ways this whole script can be translated into dating. I for one, board an aircraft with the exits in mind. Always looking for the safest way out, you know, in the event of DEPRESESSURIZATION; which is a waste of time because it's going to crash anyway!!
Then there is that whole thing of Turbulence. It is rough. During Turbulence, the best course of action is to fasten your seatbelt and remain seated. That however, is not the first inclination. I really want to jump ship when I experience turbulence. Between the ears popping and the plane feeling like its going to fall, I CAN'T HANDLE IT!! I would rather the plane just crash or NOT. My real issue of turbulence is LACK of CONTROL!! The pilot has complete control and all i can do is SIT THERE and wait for it to pass. I guess that's what I will do...
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